Sunday, April 28, 2013


I’m writing this after Verlande has been home about 5 weeks…
I’ve been busy, tired, joyful, frustrated… knowing it is all so so so so so good.. and I am so blessed, lucky, thankful.. but of course I am human and I get frustrated, and then I fall into a trap of wondering what is wrong with me, why am I frustrated at my child after all she has been through, and then I think maybe I am a mean and cold mama… and it leads me to feel bad at myself, and then am generally more prone to letting my emotions get me frustrated…  So it is such a blend of things.
I look around me all the time thinking, “my little girl from Haiti is HOME! We have waited so long, we are so lucky..” and I KNOW I am in the middle of a real live dream… I cannot believe when I see her getting off of the bus, or when she is not here/ at school, and I think, “she is AT SCHOOL sitting in a chair, doing American school, having her NEW LIFE at THIS MOMENT!” I am amazed… I love and feel so lucky to do her hair and have been trying to do as well as I can with it… I want to do so well, this will show me that I am “worthy” in some regards of being her mom, even though I didn’t get to take care of her as a baby.. I think I have some part of me that needs to still show her that I’m “legit” and enough for her… I know that is funny and probably sounds self conscious.. but I just love doing her hair and feeling like it helps me bond w/her, and I feel like I am really “taking care” of her…. Meeting a need…. I go into her and Phoebe’s room at night to make sure they are tucked in… really just to look at their cuteness while they sleep… and I’m like a kid in a candy shop.. “ohhhh she is IN HER BED”!!!!
She started school and has been doing well… great, in fact.
She got on the bus the first day, SURPRISINGLY well.. (and I was super excited to go back to work!!)  She loves coming home and getting her homework done RIGHt AWAY if she hasn’t done it.. or if we have a busy night, she’ll do it in the AM before the bus… she reads every day, and is doing a great job, but it has also frustrated me to some extent because she is so slow and dramatic and it takes her like 20 minutes sometimes per page.. not because she is struggling with words, but because she likes to SING the words… and then she tries to stop and look at the pictures, make jokes about them, etc!!  This is the main THEME of the times that I lose my patience with her… is that she is constantly trying to bring the center of attention to herself- whether it is constantly talking …. Even about nonsense things, or making up stories, or talking about how her “nose wants to take a walk” or anything to just keep words going… to trying to always be reading out loud when all 3 are trying to do their homework (which reminds me that I need to very quickly create 3 separate “desk” areas or something in our house)… or dancing down the aisle in church (yes, Ryan had her and Forrest and was putting their coats away while Phoebe and I sat down and before I knew it, here came Verlande dancing and twirling in the aisle, lifting her leg up, pirouetting like Angelina Ballerina…. Not good for someone like me who would like to sit in the back and be as ANONYMOUS as possible!!
Verlande has started soccer as well.  She goes with Phoebe to all of her soccer right now:  Tuesday PM soccer which is a big huge thing with probably about 50 -75 kids that they break into groups/boys/girls, etc… Then her TEAM practices are Saturdays and  games are Sunday.  She has done well, Ryan is her and Phoebe’s (and Forrest’s) coach. She does love to go out into the yard also and practice soccer.  She loves playing outside, and I love that also.  She loves to jump on the trampoline, bounce the basketball, bike, play soccer, swing, etc. 
We knew we would have some issues that we would be dealing with… and we are. They are not HORRIBLE, but yes, we do need to  pay attention to  these.   She watch because as she is constantly seeking out being in the limelight/center of attention, she always wants to be the one that gets to sit next to Daddy when reading books, or getting to feed the dogs, or going first somewhere,  choose the nighttime book, and Phoebe and Forrest notice this and of course do not allow it, nor should they.  And  try to not let it get to the point that they have to be the ones to not allow it.  It is MY JOB to catch these things and to make it fair for all 3…. And Ryan’s job also… and it frustrates me when he doesn’t catch these things, and it is so natural for me to catch them.  She definitely loves to TEST.  She is a smart little cookie.. She is always thinking of how she can get MORE.. more stuff, more attention, more time, more food, more of what she wants… so we struggle with that a bit… just teaching her some “life lessons” that she hasn’t ever been taught.
We are doing some things purposefully to remind her “of her place” …. That she is a child… that she now has parents…. Who take CARE of her…. That she isn’t 100% independent any longer.  So even though we are sure that it would probably be okay if she is in the front yard by herself, we don’t allow her to go out there by herself.  We try to scoop her food, pour her salad dressing, (more on her eating her veggies to follow)… and I have been  mostly getting her clotehs out for her on a daily basis (sometimes because I’m not sure what will fit her… her body shape is so different from Phoebe’s… also because sometimes she has come down on her own in shorts that are WAYYYYY unacceptably small with her buns sticking out the bottom and these long winter socks pulled up to  her knees…a nd… there… is…. Just no way.  She has been very accepting of me teling her that she has to change, or that I will do these things for her… some things she WANTS to always have done for her.. mostly like for someone to reach and get things for her.. I’m not sure why she thinks that she can ask us to do those things for her… but I feel very lucky that she is open to allowing her independence to be…. Lessened.
Food—she has really been a rockstar about adapting.. not that it was without effort, grumpiness, not speaking to us, I think there were tears…  but we didn’t budge and now it is much better.  She has cereal w/skim milk every morning for breakfast (I wasn’t sure if she would go for this—she wasn’t a cereal person before)… she has pbj or a lunchmeat sandwich with 2 fruits and a snack during the day, another snack when she gets home.. and with dinners, we have made it clear that all kids eat vegetables.  She doesn’t “LOVE” some of them.. but she will eat them.  She likes sweet potatoes, soft/steamed broccoli, she will eat green beans, she will eat some salad (and I always leave one food at dinners that I know she wants and they don’t “get that” until the veggies are done, no matter what…. She likes corn, she has eaten tomatoes, so really I cannot complain at all on this end!  YES!!!
She has gotten so much better on her “space” issue—needing to be on top of us….. literally with her face within MILLIMETERS of our faces… so now she still likes to cuddle, but she will accept when I tell her that she needs to give one/some of us more space to “GET AIR!”  (yes, it is THAT close!)
I cannot believe she did the science fair at school, and did so well.  She seems to have made some friends in school, and she says hello and enjoys being with other kids on the soccer field/playground/recess, etc. 
There have been so many FUNNY FUNNY things also… I should have written them down.. I  mean DAILY things… words she gets confused (just found out that she thought “rockstar” which I will say they are when they are doing really well at cleaning their room or homework or something…. She thought I was saying “walk on star”,
*she apparently struck up a conversation with Phoebe’s teacher while she was in the bathroom.. Verlande takes FORE VER when she has to go poop, and literally will be in there 10-20 minutes… and apparently she knew it was Phoebe’s teacher, so she said hello and was asking her questions and having a conversation with her.  Too funny.  It is partially just a personality thing with her of being happy, friendly and easy to talk with, but also it is definitely a function of overattaching and over- needing attention (and overTALKING, haha!)
IT IS ALL SO GOOD, even when there are times it is not good… I know that it really IS good (does that make sense)!  As long as it does to me!  We are a very blessed family and happy to be together, working together  to do our best each day, adjust together, and be familyJ