21 days to see Verlande!

We haven't had the developments we have hoped for so far, BUT I am going down to see verlande and will arrive there the morning of 1/1/12.  what a great new years day morning that will be!  Unfortunatley Ryan will not go because we waited until we found that there was a place to stay, and then the airline prices went up another 300.  But it is okay, we just think Verlande has gone too long without having one of us visit, so HERE I GO, Haiti visit #3!

I can't wait to see Verlande.  It will be 3.5 days there with her- I can't wait to share that time with her and see how she is.
Already I am thinking OH MY GOSH, what to bring her?!?!  It is always so overwhelming because ANY little thing is so much, and I dont want to overwhelm her.  And what would I bring to someone who doesn't have anything!  Well, she has a few things now- a baby doll, some games and books, and the clothes we have given her, etc... What to play with someone who doesn't speak the same language, I hope hope hope it is all okay again like it was last time.

If we can get some progress on our case, we would need to go again about 6 months after we enter IBESR, and we hope to be into IBESR around the new year, so we will see!  (I don't hold my breath!)

I can't wait to see Verlande!

Thankful...

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we have so much to be thankful for.  What a year it has been.  We are thankful for it, it has been special, the highs mixed with the lows.  One year ago, the kids insisted that we set an extra place setting for Verlande as we thought she would be here for Thanksgiving this year.  I'm not sure if they remember that or not, or if they will suggest the same thing tomorrow. 
We can summarize this past year with a mix of ups and downs... but as long as Verlande ends up happy, healthy and home, any downs are so worth it!

It is so essential that I keep this forefront in my mind- that I should at any time expect a rollercoaster to surprise me.  This past month, we had some extreme disappointments.  I won't even get into them.   I wonder so often if I should just never share any  news because it is so "roller-coaster-esque"..... but I need to.  I need to lean on friends and sometimes be reminded to have faith.  Our disappointment this month was fairly extreme becuase we found out that not only had no progress been made, but none had been attempted.  Long story, but that to me is unfathomable, unexcusable.  But along this down, I am so thankful to have had friends to rely on..... friends who I called immediately to ask if I could talk with them/see them, friends long distance who helped me find information and brainstorm ways to find out more information to make sure we are on an okay path.  Thank you.  This  month leaves us with a sense of hope as all documents are available, now there are apparently 3 that have errors that need fixing, BUT... that can be done, and we think it will be done and legalized in Haiti before the end of December...  It is my "goal" to enter IBESR by the end of December (or earlier)... but I shouldn't really think of it as a goal because we really also thought that may happen by May of this year. Again, I have to learn patience and live with an altered perspective than one I ever thought I would have!

More on thankfulness.
I have extreme gratitude for so many who have literally MADE THIS HAPPEN for us and Verlande by donating to our dream.  Thank you for your support, your friendship, your confidence, your beliefs.  Thank you for opening up my world to feeling like I have a TEAM, a FAMILY that is truly behind us for our beautiful girl Verlande.

I am so thankful for so many of our Sunday Skype sessions w/Verlande.  To see her smile warms us, to hear her singing songs to us, speaking english, sharing her sad days and blank stares when she feels sad allows us into her life and her reality.  We are thankful to see her excitement at starting school, to hear her say I love you Mommy, I love you Daddy, I love you Phoebe and Forrest is truly amazing to me.   We are overall so thankful for her to be in our family already, even if from afar.

I'm so thankful for the words, cards,  phone calls, emails from so many of you who have proactively asked about Verlande and how we are.  Thank you for knowing that even if I don't bring it up, I of course want to talk about Verlande and how awesome we think she is, and for how much it helps to share.

I'm so thankful for Ryan who has been with me on this journey.  There have been times, naturally, in trying to figure out what we need to do, what we can do, what we should do, that we have struggled together, but I am so thankful that we are strong.  I'm so thankful to Phoebe and Forrest who on their own during their "thankful prayer" at night, pray for Verlande, say they are thankful for Verlande, for seeing her, etc.  I'm thankful to Phoebe for being an amazing sister already and always setting aside so many of her things for Verlande- toys and clothes and books.

I'm thankful for the assurance of knowing I have friends and family by our side.  I have never felt so supported and loved.  I am inspired, thankful, and in awe.

how are things? ummm....

So I really never wanted to do a blog, because I didn't want it to end up a vent-festival.
Well, welcome to my vent-festival today.

I'm so sad, i'm so angry, I'm so furious, I'm so just disheartened and lonely, feeling like the world doesn't care and that the world is so unfair.
Over a year now, Ryan and I sat in our car in a parking lot, watching hte sunset go down on a basically 1-2x/year date night, and decided to adopt Verlande.  We aren't much further.

People ask me how things are going and I have no freaking idea.
We tried to get information from our agency/ our person in charge, who replied back to us with the beginning of our letter reprimanding us "Dear Adams Family"... freaking Adams family- no, call us by the names that you speak to us with: Sharon and Ryan!  It went on saying that she couldn't repeatedly ask the status of our case, to which I said, that is fine, we are not asking you to repeatedly ask- we have STILL NOT ONCE HEARD- past knowing that it flew into Haiti...

So how is it going?  We haven't been told.  So much for being the customer... this is afterall a BUSINESS for them right?  Clearly it must be a business becuase guess what, it is doing NOTHING for Verlande.  It is doing NOTHING.  and I can tell you with confidence from the bottom of my TOES that there is no pedophile out there, no bad person who has the patience or money to go to these lengths to adopt a child from Haiti to harm them.  Seriously.  So where does this leave Verlande?  Where does it leave her after who knows how many years comign when she is how old?  Is that even good for her anymore, we do not know this! 

Sorry.  Right now I've had it.  I've nearly fallen over when I vented and was told that it was a "bummer"!!!
BUMMER?  a bummer is getting stopped at a red light when you're in a hurry... it's dropping an apple out of your grocery bag.. a bummer is your pant leg dripping in the puddle hwen you walk.. It is NOT wasting 2-3-4 years of a child's life.

I've had it learning patience.  Seriously... patience my butt.  If everyone were so zen and patient, would things get done?  no, i've tried for a year and nothing.  our daughter sits there, probably wondering where the HELL we are- those people who said they'd be back.

Things move faster in tryuing to adopt "special needs" children... Special needs?  Well, this child hyas some special needs, she has spent the past 5 years of her life as an orphan. Good grief, if that is not special needs then I dont' even want to know what they are.

I regret sounding unthankful.  I am.  I am thankful that we have had this chance, that we met Verlande, but I am mad.  I am.  I don't know where to go.  I keep getting further and further into this hole. Literally feeling like I wonder if we'll be ever able to get out- now we have more people involved who have donated money to us, and if this doesn't happen, I don't know how I can live with myself for so many reasons.  I have Phoebe and Forrest to be strong for if that happens that we cannot adopt Verlande, but when will we know.. will they ever even tell us?  Or is that rude of us to ask.

I feel so disheartened that this is the way things are.  I just feel sad for the world, maybe that sounds silly. But I feel like I'm losing faith in the goodness of people.  Why are we working with people with no heart?  If they had a heart, wouldn't we at least receive a one line confirmation that our case was being "worked on", instead of a narrative on how we are asking someone to go to the ends of the earth for us.  I want to believe in the goodness of people, that there are people out there being Verlande's hero- getting her home to us.  I thoguht that was the direction we are in.  She is somewhere in Haiti today, at this time of the day, hopefully getting a ride home from school.  Please let the driver be on time for her today, by the way... we have reports that she is having to wait forever for her rides and this worries me for her safety.  I don't know where she is, or what she may be thinking. 

I've temporarily lost my strength.  I know it'll be back, but sometimes it all seems too much, I feel too dug under, too futile, like I've made choice after choice after choice that has gotten us further and further to nowhere.  Choice after choice that maybe we should have seen something.  I don't know right from left, up from down, progress from no progress.  I have no idea where we are.

ALL IS IN HAITI.

So our newest development is that all is in Haiti.
(so yes, we've been there before).  Our dossier (once again)(sorry that is the last time I will fixate on the fact that we've been there before) is all IN HAITI- with BRESMA (the orphanage that we have to go through.. although Verlande is not being housed at Bresma and remains at Eliette's house).
So again, all of our information, latest doctor notes on our health, our newest PhD in psychology letter stating that we are mentally competent, yes... our VETERINARIAN letter saying our dogs are furry and gentle.. are in Haiti ready to go.
What we do not have status on right now is VERLANDE's PARENTS MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE.
We are waiting for this still, the last we heard.  The good news is that it is with the people that will be getting it/ working on getting it/ whose job it is to get it.
The frustrating part of it for us at this point is that we don't hear much.  We have been told that "culturally, we are not supposed to ask Haitians too much.  It is offensive to them to be checking in as if we do not trust their work.  they get the job done."  That is frustrating (BEYOND BELIEF) to  me.... because in MY CULTURE, I want RESULTS:)
seriously.
and we're paying for results....
AND... we have the childhood of a little girl on the line here.... Verlande is 7.  We pray we get her before August 24 next year when she turns 8.  This is truly my goal.  100%.  I am really looking at that day.  This is the first I am admitting it.  I want her here when she turns 8.  I do. 
I also want to know desperately where this stands:  are they in touch with the father about the marriage certificate, who is taking action.  So we will be working on this aspect, and again inquiring as to the extent that we can regularly receive updates.. at least to when she is in IBESR (Haiti Social Services-- we are aware that at that point there won't be much info,, BUT... right now, we want updates!)

So I continue to try to balance my frustration and irritation at what seems like slow movement.... with my newfound work on learning my first babysteps of patience and grace...

On the most awesome side of things, VERLANDE IS DOING SO WELL.  The last month has been the happiest we've seen her, and YESTERDAY she started SCHOOL in Haiti.  An English/Haitian school.  She had been so excited to go, and it was a much needed move for her to be able to get out of the house where she is and to SEE KIDS HER AGE.  She has learned alot on her own, she'll learn when she gets here, but she needs to be with PEOPLE and living a bit more.  We are so hopeful that she is happy going to school.
Mostly, I pray every time I can for her safety in getting to school.  It is all I can do to pray that she gets there safely- in every way the word can be used.... anything can happen there, so I am just trusting.  She will be driven there, and we are waiting still to know the details- we are paying for her to have safe transportation, not just on a tap-tap.... and so I'm sure it will be great.  I wish I could see her in her school uniform. 
She has been loving learning.  Everytime we talk with her she is ready with new words, songs, dances, smiles.  When skype is beign set up, Eliette will say, "wait one second" and we hear an echo, "please wait one second" and this cute beautiful girl smiling at us from a world away...... she echos everything that Eliette says, it is hilarious.  She is happy, and that is what I hang onto.  It is good.  it is so VERY VERY GOOD.  We are hanging in there, she is hanging in there..... we cannot wait until she comes home!
Phoebe and Forrest have been happy to skype with her also, and try to say something to her that she might be able to answer.  I pray with everything that the right things happen for her adoption, we love her so much.

End of summer status

So much has happened.
We have spent the past 6-8 weeks very busy since finding out about our change in adoption because of the new Haitian laws.  We have had more documents to complete, more trips to notary, state authentication, haiti embassy.  Yes, I have found myself running through DC again, trying to get documents stamped at the embassy.  Crazy, frustration, nearing on just HUMOROUS!  We have began our fundraising, which has been NOTHING.  SHORT.  OF.  MIRACULOUS. 
seriously.
MIRACULOUS. 
We have been shocked by the generosity, the outreach, the sincerity of so many who have become part of this circle to bring Verlande to our family.  I write this with my HEART SMILING.  We are still so far off at this point (in terms of time).. we know this... but we can take it.... we will be patient and work with God's time and plan, and prepare for Verlande.  We will prepare our family, our hearts, our strength.  We skyped with Verlande today and it was the first time she sat in front of the screen by herself.  (eliette was off to the side to help her with words), but it was such a big big girl of her to try so muchy by herself.  She told us in english that she "is a very happy girl."  She looked great:  joyous as ever, and very HEALTHY and vibrant.  She really did.  Literally, my heart is warm inside, I feel such hope at this moment and have waited it seems so long to have this hopeful moment.

We did a yard sale this weekend for fundraising.  Gosh, that was alot of work.  But it was worth it.  Honestly, for a few weeks it got my mind so busy with preparing, and again, we were ASTOUNDED by the outreach of people who donated things for our sale, as well as TIME.  Of course it rained, again.. sometimes it feels like I am working so darn uphill, but it is ALL GOOD... Anyway, it was great to work so hard for this, and very "interesting" to hold my first yard sale.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!! WHAT A JOURNEY!!!!

all in a day.... trusting that there is something good that will come... (soon?)

I had a feeling about today. 
I was supposed to be bringing in our last 6 documents to haiti embassy to get legalized to send to Haiti.
I was driving into the city, and just felt DOWN.  VERY DOWN.  Maybe down becuase I knew I had done this all before, that I had been excited, hopeful before.  Maybe down because I know that it doesn't really "mean" anything, these steps.  It is so out of our control.  It is under the control of other people who I may or may not fully trust.  Who may or may not be doing their jobs?  I have no idea.  Over the past years, I've learned maybe to gain some trust in people back, and I worry that this past year has completely demolished that for me.   Anyway, I was very down, very aware of feeling very low and depressed.  But I was doing my job, so I at least was going with it.

Of course I suck at driving in the city, I hate DC's roundabouts and lack of street signage on corners where I woudl like to know what the intersection is!!!!
So I finally found what I thought was an okay place to park near dupont circle and Embassy Row.  Then realized that I had a nice coin collection of only 55 cents to park.  that gave me 27 minutes, so GO.. there I sprint through DC with these damn documents, to the Haiti embassy.  Get there, and I look like i've been to Haiti and back, dripping w/sweat.  How embarrassing. 
So anyway, long story short:  NO, they cannot do the legalizing because I didn't bring to state department first.  last time we had brought everything to state department first, but our agency told us that they had never even SEEN THIS.... and that we DID NOT NEED IT... so I of course didn't DO IT... and now need to.  what a waste of a day.  including that while sprinting,, my cell phone must have popped out of my purse, because I got a call from a building later along Mass. Ave that they had found my cell phone... Ahhhh, I am thankful that it is at least found... Yes, maybe that was my silverlining of the day...
So.... where do we go from here.  well, it is so complicated, that we don't even KNOW. 
Please God, let me trust you, and people, and myself. 
Ryan and I are so at the end of what we are capable of:  currently trying to hold down our jobs, take awesome care of our kids and spend quality time being wonderful parents to them, but also trying to maintain hosue stuff, seriously, paying bills, ryan is filling out forms to refinance the mortgage, I am packing us all up for our camping trip, trying to not neglect things, getting kids ready for school, trying to have meals prepared for everyone, oh, in the middle of this planning a garage sale to make money... it is never ending......  I know I am not the only one with these struggles.  I at least feel confident that I am right now doing my best. I pray that will be enough.

COMMITTED with hearts full of love....

                                       BRINGING VERLANDE TO VIRGINIA….     July 22, 2011

We have been brought to our knees.  There has been a change in Haitian adoption law, and our work has been crushed, as there are no more independent adoptions, which is what we were doing.  Most importantly, our little girl remains waiting. 

 Two weeks ago, we were in despair.  When we heard this news, our world crashed as we realized that we would have to start the adoption over, particularly financially, and that we just don’t have the savings or income to make this happen.  What will happen to our Verlande, the girl with passionate eyes and bright smiles.  What would happen to a 7 year old child, who has met her “new mommy and daddy” for a week, been held, hugged, kissed, and told that we are coming back for her.  What goes through the mind of a child who has been skyping with her new brother and sister for 4 months, and it is so obvious the joy that is brought to both sides.  One week ago, my body literally shook in fear and heartbreak, and my heart POUNDED with adrenaline? Or loss?  I don’t know… I actually had to keep putting my hand on my chest reminding myself that I was not having a heart attack, that it was just me being upset.  That my body would physically be okay.

  Today I email you with HOPE.  I am full of FIGHT. 

This is who I am, most of you know this.  You’ve heard me say it over and over:

**“NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.” 

**I said it this morning to Phoebe as she rode her bike without training wheels up a hill, “when it gets the hardest that is when you know you have to push harder than ever, and it WILL get easier.”

**So many of you have emailed to remind me of my words: Just think of this as going up a very long hill and your muscles are tired and sore, but you have to keep going to finish.

I am full of fight, because I am Verlande’s mom.   Ryan and I consider ourselves Verlande’s mom and dad.  When I first heard someone referring to their (hopeful) adopted child as their daughter I thought, hmm… I couldn’t say that myself… Now I can.  I am fighting for Verlande because she IS our daughter.  If there is ANY SLIGHT possibility that we can bring our daughter home, we WILL FIGHT.
It is possible.  We will need to basically start over and go through an adoption agency now, but it is possible. After all, we are not doing this because it is an easy thing.  We are doing this because we knew for us, it is the right thing, and our hearts are open for Verlande.

It was only one year ago that I met Verlande.  I had no idea how my life was going to change when we walked through that metal sliding door to the rubble that was her orphanage.  I had no idea that our hearts would lead us to this journey, that we would witness a girl hiding peanut butter in her napkin for later, and also delighting with joy in the bathtub like a real live fish.  I had no idea we would hold Verlande through massive cries as her stomach, filled with parasites, hurt her so much.  I had no idea how hard it would be to say good bye to her at the airport, when she was crying that we were leaving and not looking at our eyes any longer…..We couldn’t have known that our case would take a nosedive when we had such hope that things would actually change for the POSITIVE.  And we couldn’t have known that these latest events just reinforce our commitment and resolve to make a difference.

We wholeheartedly believe it is possible to save lives, to step up, to give more, to make a difference.  Verlande was in Port au Prince during the earthquake.  She lived.  I sometimes take myself back to the images we saw from the devastation that she was in.  I won’t forget or back down from my initial sense of the NEED to DO something.  I went on the mission trip last year because of my belief in people coming together to do good.  I am trusting in that belief again and asking you to be part of our team to make this possible.  We are committing ourselves to raising the money needed to adopt from Haiti.  If you are able to donate financially, we thank you from truly the bottom and every crevice of our hearts.

Ryan and I are so humbled that many have asked how you can contribute.  The adoption agency that we are now working with is a non-profit and accepts donations for our case- if you donate, you will receive a tax deductible receipt.  To complete the adoption, we will need to provide another $26K on top of the amount we have already spent.   We WILL bring her home.  This agency is currently processing other successful adoptions with children coming home in the next month.

If your company matches donations, or you think there is any possibility in sharing our story with your company, church, neighborhood      group, yoga studio, book club, etc, let me know.  Let’s be creative.  Let’s reach out.  Things happen when we come together.  If you aren’t prepared to support financially, your emotional support and prayers are so appreciated.  This has been a roller coaster ride and there are certain to be more peaks and valleys ahead.

Let’s prepare to be amazed.  We will never forget the experience of hearing Verlande’s words, the child who lived in the rubble with nothing at all; the child who smiled and said to us, “God is GOOD.”  

Donation Information:  If you are interested in donating financially, please note the following:

-          For a tax receipt, donations should be made by sending a check written to All Blessings International and mailed to our home (1600 Stowe Rd., Reston, VA 20194).

-          Donations are non-refundable once submitted to ABI.

-          Cash or checks written to us will support Verlande’s room, board and schooling while she is in Haiti.  These payments do not go through ABI so there will not be a tax receipt.  Check with your tax advisor for deduction possibilities.

Thank you all so much for reading this, keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, and to the extent that you are interested, donating for our little girl. We cannot wait to bring her home.