2012 : STARTING THE NEW YEAR W/VERLANDE!What a great start to 2012 that I got to visit Verlande in Haiti. I was nervous about the trip since I was going by myself, but once the trip actually started it was A-OK fine and I just was “in it”—much better than thinking about it…
It all started out with much fanfare as I traveled the night of 12/31…. So had a happy New Year’s in the Miami Airport… was hoping to hunker down to at least a few zzzzz’s in one of the chairs there… however, those Miami airport workers are very festive….. the countdown to the ball dropping was being yelled out by some workers/ I was in front of a TV and I saw an older airport worker meandering around 2 younger workers and when the ball dropped, he outstretched his arms to them, hugged them, blew kisses to me, I blew kisses back… it was very cute…. Then the airport vehicles that they use to transport elderly or injured people were zooming around all night having a party—those things were beeping all night and you could hear cheers all night. Zero sleep for me… that is okay.
So the morning of Jan 1, I flew into Haiti. 2nd time coming in with NO LINES @ customs… hurray! It was great.. right on through.. got suitcase and ran out the door in excitement to go see Verlande hopefuly there waiting!! And she was.. I saw who I thought was Eliette, looked down to make sure there was a little girl there, and CUTE/BEAUTIFUL LITTLE VERLANDE WAS STANDING AT THE FENCE… I ran up saying “verlande verlande!” and she was so happy, she ran around the fence, jumped on me, her legs around me, jumping up and down IN my arms saying “ mommy mommy mommy”!!! it was great.. smiles all around, I was so happy, (and sweaty, I still had a coat on from the airplane and Port au prince was like 94 this day)…. It was great, we got to the car and went to Bresma Guest house where we were to stay! It was great great great. Verlande was happy, smiling, I was happy, she sat in my lap- of course no seatbelts in Haiti… why bother, right!
In the guest house, it was immediately just the two of us! We went about starting our few days of play: started jumping rope, I got out some of the books that I brought for her,, and she wanted to sit down immediately and read together. It was immediately fun, comfortable, natural.
Verlande looked very healthy- she is still very small. I don’t know if she has grown in height at all, she is very short for 7 (phoebe is 6.5 and is very tall for her age, but as a reference is over a head taller than her)… Her energy is good, she looks healthy. Her English is AWESOME. We were able to speak together the entire time- no problems. Some of the staff at the house were commenting also on how good her French was, and she was very proud of her languages, telling people, “I speak Kreyol, I speak French, and I speak English.”
And she loves loves loves taking showers/baths. Hilarious. She took 2-3/day. And when she took them, they were showers AND baths, and they were FULL OF SPLASHING, laying down in the tub and rolling around and generally appearing as a fish! It was hilarious. She always wanted me there with her, to wash her back with soap for her, etc. It was one of the things I remember vividly from our first trip with her(loving the bathtub) and it was so funny that it is still that way. And… every time she took a bath, she needed to paint her fingernails again and again with the polish I brought for her! She.loved.it. LOVED.IT.!!!
She let me help her with her hair the first morning I was there- we just did 4 big braids, she would not let me try to do the rows that I so have practiced over and over on phoebe’s hair…. I was a little bummed, I wanted to “take care of her” and feel like I could do whatever she needed, etc… but that was okay…. She wanted the girls that were the staff people to do her hair, and they were nice enough on the last day to do it for her.
Her eating seemed to be a bit better- she is still right at the height of the table with her mouth so I definitely did see her just put her mouth to the edge of the plate and push a bunch in, as she was doing last time. She also occasionally still would fill up her mouth to the point of not being able to breathe or chew, and I tried to gently remind her to go slowly, and I could tell she was trying. She loved the apples that I brought for snacks, but she did the same thing again with these: would eat a bite, but in her mouth take the apple off of the skin, then hold the skin in her hand or a napkin…(she also pretty much ate the entire core… I think… she was eating it sideways and then the next thing I knew she was just holding the stem!) the 2nd day, I told her I was going to cut her apple into pieces, and I did—when I did this, she would eat the apple “normally” (meaning not discard the skins) (of course I wanted her to get the nutrients in the skin)… Rice and meat are still her favorite, and she really puts those down. She also loves plantains, and they were great.. I didn’t eat any fruit or veg on the trip except the apples I brought and also bananas they had there.. and my stomach lasted the entire time, so hurray again!
The things she loved the most while I was there were MANY!
*she loved books, and could read a good amount (in English… so I was pleasantly surprised at how much she has learned)! She ADORED the 3 little pigs and the BIG BAD WOLF book- she loved loved loved to say (that about the wolf “ and he huffed…. (and her eyes got all big and huge) and he puffed… (and she was poised to burst out laughing now!).. it was great.. We read big bad wolf about 25x while I was there. She also read dora, and I thought it was great when she was reading books that she was completely reading… even if she didn’t know what the word meant in English yet, she was totally reading and I’m so proud of her. She spends so much of her time working on the workbooks that we send, and it seems to be paying off.
I also brought a matching game for her that she loved—all these nationalities of faces- about 50 cards and you put them face down, turn two over and try to match them. She was AWESOME at this,, I had to actually put forth some good effort so that I was in even the REALM of where she was playing this! Again, we played this A LOT, as in an hour at a time probably! She kept wanting to “ganye” (win) and play again and again. How can you say no to that humongous smile and laughter! That is what I was there for- it was great- no work to do , and I just did what she wanted to play!
And yes…. She was meant to be my daughter.. she adores exercise… I came up with an exercise “schedule” for her—something written down.. I brought her a ping pong racket and balls (we just called it tennis to keep it simple), she danced to music I brought for her, jump roped, she did a lot of yoga/sun salutations with me, she was great, handstands and cartwheels. And she was excited to have a list of what things to do each day. Her back, in my opinion, is going to become a problem for her at some point- she is VERY much swayback/lordosis in her lumbar spine, so I gave her little ab crunches to do also, which she saw me doing.. she also can seriously… I have no idea…. But she can seriously crank out sets of 20 pushups at a time.. I’m not so sure how her upper body is so strong, it is really out of proportion to her size/ not even sure where she learned pushups, but she seems to thrive on exercise… sound familiar?!!!
Oh, and she loves so many things.. she loves SOCKS… you should have seen just how happy she was, sitting in one of Phoebe’s princess nightgowns (it is very handy that we can give her clothes from Phoebe due to their size differences), and in a pair of white socks on her feet.. she would always say, “I like this”… she told me how cozy it felt! I taught her how to make friendship bracelets, and yes, did I mention that she showers every few hours!! The last day I gave her a kids computer, and I was so glad I saved it to the last day- she loved it and was engrossed in that for the last few hours, which at that point was fine, I was a bit distracted and probably at that point also shutting myself off for various reasons…. Knowing that I was leaving/ the unknown of some information I had found out, etc…She is 100% open and outgoing, and a bit flirtatious. We would be sitting on the balcony at a table doing books or games and one of the very nice staff people that opens the sliding gate to the property was down stairs and Verlande would say,, “Willar, Willar, are you there Willar??!!??!!” Verlande could make everyone smile. She is well loved. Our driver, Franck, would also be there, cleaning the truck/making sure it was working, and she would also go to the edge of the balcony calling out…. “monsier Franck, hello monsier Franck” with a little wave.. it was quite hilarious. She brings people together, and just makes things fun.
Her facial expressions have continued to be adorable, and her sense of humor and laugh seem to allow her to connect easily. Each night, the chickens that lived next door would begin their morning crowing or coc a doodling at 2am.. yes… and we would talk about it during the day (when they were still coc a doodling) and make these funny faces and just laugh laugh laugh… it felt so good to just laugh with her. Ahhhh how I wish things were that easy.
Of course not everything was completely rosy….
Verlande definitely did not want to be told to do anything, or to not do anything. I was trying to keep some of the toys/things I brought spread out over the days I was there, but she knew there was more in my suitcase.. she would try to open it to get at them and I said, “no later” and she would cry and be very sad/mad that I had said no… This happened with little things… it was hard not having Ryan to be there, to know that I was doing the right thing by not just letting her do /have everything at any time, etc… but I know I have to begin to be a real mom to her, and that may mean she cries. She also would cry at night. We had in the room a bed- queen size, that ryan and I slept in our first time there, but of course he wasn’t there this time, so she told me that she wanted to sleep in it with me. So I told her okay, as long as she went to bed/sleep that we could. But she would cry at night, juts as she did last time. I would hold her and tell her I’d rub her back, I said it was okay to cry, I wasn’t sure really why she was crying, and at times thought maybe it was turning into a laugh?? It was like a forced cry to see if I would take care of her maybe? And just when I thought it may be a completely fake cry, and I’d ask, can I hold you and she said yes, her body would go into the LIMPEST state ever. As in a body that literally was devoid of any muscular activity holding it together. It was very weird, it was like not even a baby is that limp, I’m not even sure how she did it, but she was like a big limp noodle. And she would just curl up on my stomach/chest and cry; I’d put a wet washcloth on her and she liked that. I asked her when she was able to talk if she was sad and she said no. I asked if she was scared, and she said yes. So I’m not realy sure if she knew what she was saying, or scared of what… but there were hard times.
Also, of course I should know to be prepared for anything in Haiti… to find out anything that may rock my world…. And so it was…. We do not have Verlande’s parents’ marriage cert. They couldn’t get it, or the date was not wrong, or maybe the marriage was never legalized…. so now we are going a different route, which means that we need to change the birth certificate. After sitting on this for a week, we just had a conversation with our agency because this sure does sound fishy to us…. It sounds like it is legit and that it will take anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months. Ha. And so it goes.
(and there is really a lot more emotion in that then “and so it goes” but I try try try to be patient).
One of the days I was there, her father Vernet, as well as her grandmother (father’s mom) who she lived with from age 2 to the earthquake in Jan 2010, came to see her. She was very excited and I was just glad to see her so excited. Her dad has done everything he has needed to do for us, and we are so thankful. I truly believe with every single bit in me, that all he wants is the best for Verlande. Id on’t quite understand the Haiti culture, and why Verlande’s two brothers still live with him (it is not a house, it is a tent, so not good conditions and no food for them either), but Verlande does not. Maybe it is that he wants to protect his daughter who is younger/ not have her live in this environment, maybe he doesn’t feel he knows how to care for a girl, I don’t know. But I do believe, and I am so glad that this is my belief, that he thoroughly loves her with his whole heart. And I believe that Verlande understands this as much as she can right now and understands that this is how it is, and that he wants better for her. That is the truest love, isn’t it. What was amazing about the visit was her grandmother. When we went down to see Vernet and the grandmother, Verlande brought one of her dolls. Her grandmother, for the entire time they were there, sat, and literally held the doll as if it were a real baby. She propped it up in the crook of her arm like a baby, rested it’s head, bounced it, adjusted it’s hands/feet/dress, and her eyes were on this doll literally 95% of the time. She rarely looked up, but seemed to be completely taking care of this “baby.” It was sad to me. So much love it seemed, but sometimes that isn’t enough? As sad as it seemed to watch, it also was reassuring to me- I have the hope that Verlande was loved and held all those years that she was with her grandmother, which probably also helps her be as cuddly and touchy as she is now. Verlande will sit on your lap, hug you, hug you TIGHT, hold hands… she definitely doesn’t appear to shy away from contact, which is a positive sign that I hope continues over the next few years.
Verlande is just a little sprite, so small and full of energy, and ready to cuddle, love and be loved. Leaving at the airport was not as hard as the last time I don’t think.
It was CHAOS there… quite scarey frankly, and I was holding tight to my suitcases, kissed her, gave her something I had saved for this last minute, and made sure Eliette was holding tight to her… it definitely was frightening (if you go to Haiti, the people who are dressed in “uniforms” at the airport.. apparently are NOT airport workers, they try to get your money and things. Do not ever let them / anyone help you with your bags, hold on tight and just keep walking… and WHITE KNUCKLE that passport!!)
So where are we going now. We have to redo Verlande’s birth cert. now.
Crazy.
But it is what it is.
It could take 2 weeks or 2 months… (we are told)…
And hten we enter IBESR, which will be approx. 6 months…. (?????) and then MOI, then VISA’s, passports, so we are no further… but.. was good to see her and we will continue the fight for Verlande.
She’s our girl.
