It is sad news that we have found out last week. Verlande's mother caught cholera two weeks ago, and died last week. It makes my heart heavy to think that Verlande will not be able to go to her mother ever, to ever return to Haiti, if we are able to adopt her, and ever talk with her mother. That option will be gone for her. Ryan's birth mom died when he was five, so he will have this in common with Verlande.
We are hopeful that this week on Tuesday, Verlande's dad will meet with our lawyer as planned, to deliver the death certificate/copy at the courthouse. This "should" make possible Verlande to be relinquished to Eliette for temporary custody, so that we can adopt from her. This would be a HUGE development for us this week. We can only pray and trust that we will continue to be led closer to Verlande.
We watched a short DVD on the movie Dandelion Dust this weekend. It was written by a woman who adopted 3 Haitian boys, as well as had 2 birth children of our own. It was good to hear the story, the situation, the blending of adopted and birth children. We have heard so much negative, it was hopeful to hear the positive.
We will pray that this week, there will be the official relinquishment by Verlande's father (already done) as well as the death certificate of her mom in courts, so that we can OFFICIALLY proceed.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
One year post earthquake
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the earthquake. I'll never forget watching some of the scenes that were played. Yesterday, the package that we had sent for Verlande was supposed to be brought to Eliette, our lawyer, in order to get it to Verlande when she can (hopefully) move to Eliette's. Robert Wagoner, who brought it for us, had asked to go see Verlande. We are still waiting to see if he was able to see her, which feels to me like a big connection for us- he'll be able to see her possibly! We will find out. I mostly just want Verlande to know we haven't given up on her since she knew we were trying a few months ago. To a 6 year old, she must think, well then.... where are they? WE ARE HERE VERLANDE, we are still trying our best and not giving up!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
LONG MONTH
So, it has been a long month. I am going to try to write more often, it should be easy to update this, so I just need to do it.
From our last post, we were disappointed to find a week later that Verlande's mother was not actually there to sign relinquishment. We were horrified a week later to find out "she is nowhere to be found".... HUH????
WHO WAS THAT IN THE PICTURES we've now been staring at for a week??!!!
Well, this is Haiti.
That was a woman that Vernet, Verlande's father, brought. a friend? girlfriend? random person maybe trying to get the papers signed, we do not know. In retrospect, no wonder there didn't seem any connection whatsoever with her and Verlande. No wonder the woman was pulling backwards in the pictures... a good reminder to listen to the gut.
Long story short:
*Verlande's mother can be found. Vernet knows where she is, but she is "unwilling to have anything to do with the future of Verlande". We don't know why, and we are not here to judge. I have no idea the reasons, the thoughts, the life. For the past month, we have been told, she'll sign, she won't sign, they can sign abandonment papers if she doesn't, oops, no now she 'll sign.... now she will not.
As of first week in January, our lawyer in PaP, Eliette, knows that we are very concerned, in so many regards, and has told us she hopes to get us some solid information by beginning of next week.
*The pastor of the orphanage does not want to work with us anymore because he wishes now, all of a sudden, that we use a lawyer friend of HIS, rather than our lawyer Eliette, who he already agreed to work with. So this makes things more complicted, but as long as we can get the parents relinquishment, we will be okay.(BOTH parents).
*Our homestudy is finished tomorrow on January 7th, our last visit. After this, we will have it all written up, which will help our USA side of adoption, although apparently that is far from all we do here.
*We met with a lawyer here for the USA side/immigration side, and our minds literally spun. Mine in particular spun so much that I could honestly barely WALK out... wierd that my legs and body and head were like un-connected parts. I couldn't even feel that my body was walking. I wanted Ryan to pull the car over. I felt sick. I dont' even know why. I think I'm too busy to even think why, and maybe too scared.
Maybe I worry-- so many people telling us of the possibilities of things- this COULD happen, that COULD happen (bad things, mind you- results of being adopted at age 6, etc)... I worry that she could end up 8 years old and maybe THEN we'd be lucky enough to adopt her. I worry, what if she is possibly BETTER OFF in Haiti???? could that be? I truly don't know. I don't know. I truly don't.. From OUR opinion, as American's, we want to give her health, life, opportunity, love, a HOME. Maybe this is not what we are meant to do though? We felt so strongly that we had been led to this path of adopting Verlande, maybe now we are being led away, maybe we aren't. Maybe we need to just remain with faith and let it be. Let what happens, HAPPEN.. But for something like this you cna't just "let" things happen, good GRIEF, it'll NEVER HAPPEN!! So you have to fight, have to work to make this life fair for Verlande, to give her the opportunity.
*Meanwhile, we are also trying to learn Haitia Creole- I bought Ryan for Xmas a series of tapes, (we started them earlier than Xmas because we thought we would possibly be skyping w/Verlande in January). It has honestly been so fun to begin learning a new language. We hope to at least be able to somewhat communicate w/ Verlande.
*Bottom line: we need Verlande's mother to sign relinquishment. Where is she, is ther ea way we can help her sign. I of course feel the urgent need to go to Haiti and find her and plead for her to sign these papers. She has 4-5 other children, she is lving with and has children with another man, she has not seen Verlande even before the earthquake/before the orphanage, apparently. We're not sure why she would not go, if it is just too much a bother to get to the court in PaP. I will carry her there on my back. Realistically, I will just have to pray.
From our last post, we were disappointed to find a week later that Verlande's mother was not actually there to sign relinquishment. We were horrified a week later to find out "she is nowhere to be found".... HUH????
WHO WAS THAT IN THE PICTURES we've now been staring at for a week??!!!
Well, this is Haiti.
That was a woman that Vernet, Verlande's father, brought. a friend? girlfriend? random person maybe trying to get the papers signed, we do not know. In retrospect, no wonder there didn't seem any connection whatsoever with her and Verlande. No wonder the woman was pulling backwards in the pictures... a good reminder to listen to the gut.
Long story short:
*Verlande's mother can be found. Vernet knows where she is, but she is "unwilling to have anything to do with the future of Verlande". We don't know why, and we are not here to judge. I have no idea the reasons, the thoughts, the life. For the past month, we have been told, she'll sign, she won't sign, they can sign abandonment papers if she doesn't, oops, no now she 'll sign.... now she will not.
As of first week in January, our lawyer in PaP, Eliette, knows that we are very concerned, in so many regards, and has told us she hopes to get us some solid information by beginning of next week.
*The pastor of the orphanage does not want to work with us anymore because he wishes now, all of a sudden, that we use a lawyer friend of HIS, rather than our lawyer Eliette, who he already agreed to work with. So this makes things more complicted, but as long as we can get the parents relinquishment, we will be okay.(BOTH parents).
*Our homestudy is finished tomorrow on January 7th, our last visit. After this, we will have it all written up, which will help our USA side of adoption, although apparently that is far from all we do here.
*We met with a lawyer here for the USA side/immigration side, and our minds literally spun. Mine in particular spun so much that I could honestly barely WALK out... wierd that my legs and body and head were like un-connected parts. I couldn't even feel that my body was walking. I wanted Ryan to pull the car over. I felt sick. I dont' even know why. I think I'm too busy to even think why, and maybe too scared.
Maybe I worry-- so many people telling us of the possibilities of things- this COULD happen, that COULD happen (bad things, mind you- results of being adopted at age 6, etc)... I worry that she could end up 8 years old and maybe THEN we'd be lucky enough to adopt her. I worry, what if she is possibly BETTER OFF in Haiti???? could that be? I truly don't know. I don't know. I truly don't.. From OUR opinion, as American's, we want to give her health, life, opportunity, love, a HOME. Maybe this is not what we are meant to do though? We felt so strongly that we had been led to this path of adopting Verlande, maybe now we are being led away, maybe we aren't. Maybe we need to just remain with faith and let it be. Let what happens, HAPPEN.. But for something like this you cna't just "let" things happen, good GRIEF, it'll NEVER HAPPEN!! So you have to fight, have to work to make this life fair for Verlande, to give her the opportunity.
*Meanwhile, we are also trying to learn Haitia Creole- I bought Ryan for Xmas a series of tapes, (we started them earlier than Xmas because we thought we would possibly be skyping w/Verlande in January). It has honestly been so fun to begin learning a new language. We hope to at least be able to somewhat communicate w/ Verlande.
*Bottom line: we need Verlande's mother to sign relinquishment. Where is she, is ther ea way we can help her sign. I of course feel the urgent need to go to Haiti and find her and plead for her to sign these papers. She has 4-5 other children, she is lving with and has children with another man, she has not seen Verlande even before the earthquake/before the orphanage, apparently. We're not sure why she would not go, if it is just too much a bother to get to the court in PaP. I will carry her there on my back. Realistically, I will just have to pray.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Mid December
After last weeks post, we are highly saddened to find that, contrary to our understanding, Verlande's mother was not present to sign papers last week. We found out today that she is "nowhere to be found". Then, that was quickly changed to "we know where she is, but she wants nothing to do with the future of Verlande". This means that she simply doesn't want to go sign papers. to our understanding, she was not taking care of Verlande before the orphanage- she was living with her father. The mom has not gone to visit Verlande since the earthquake/since she has been in the orphanage, however she also wont' allow her to leave the orphanage if she doesn't sign relinquishment. This is simply devastating to us. Devastating. This could be the end of our story if this is the truth and if this continues.
We feel devastated, of course.
We also feel a little "taken" as we were told that the mom and dad were there, and were sent pictures. The woman in the pictures was apparently not the mom, it was just another woman. We dont' know if they were trying to pass this person off as Verlande's mom. Either way, after staring at pictures for a week, we are confused and disappointed and worried. Also we are just simply saddened for Verlande. simply a sad situation.
We feel devastated, of course.
We also feel a little "taken" as we were told that the mom and dad were there, and were sent pictures. The woman in the pictures was apparently not the mom, it was just another woman. We dont' know if they were trying to pass this person off as Verlande's mom. Either way, after staring at pictures for a week, we are confused and disappointed and worried. Also we are just simply saddened for Verlande. simply a sad situation.
Monday, December 6, 2010
From the Beginning.......
we WILL BE BRINGING VERLANDE TO VIRGINIA!!!
Last Friday, our lawyer in Port au Prince and her team, met with Verlande and her parents to sign papers of relinquishment, and to go to the court to bring this to the judge. We had mixed feelings u pon seeing pictures of Verlande with her mom and dad, of course, but were reminded of the reality in Haiti when Archibal- our contact who met with them, said that they were "extremely happy about the procedure and praising God for the opportunity" for Verlande. Eliette, our lawyer, emailed us the next day to let us know that she met our future daughter and that she is a beautiful girl with beautiful, expressive eyes. I smiled. This is Verlande.
THE ORPHANAGE:
This was my hardest day in Haiti
28 girls. I imagined a building. No, there were 3 tents. There were cardboard boxes for beds. And there was running and giggling when we arrived- the girls were showering behind a wall, but were so excited when we came that they ran to us so fast that some of them had to stop later to put on their underwear. There were also tears of a child. I saw a child around 4-5 come out of a tent after she must have been crying. There were hugs and SO MANY SMILES, GAMES- universal games like hand games, soccer, coloring books, and crafts… and hugs. And did I say smiles under the most genuine eyes I’ve ever seen. Eyes that I could look into forever. Eyes that showed love and joy, and I don’t even know what else. Some of you know I fell in love with a little girl there. I just immediately felt this connection, like I already had known her. I had never gone to Haiti Haiti
I am embarrassed by my thoughts- how can I go to Haiti
Is that normal. What is normal. What is normal when you see a small soul and know that you have the ability to help. When there is a choice you can make. Do you look the other way. Is that looking the other way? What is right for an entire family, what is right for one child. That night, Father Rob, the pastor on our trip, asked at our nightly meeting, if the orphanage “wrecked anyone.” So I sat there and lied by saying nothing. Of course I was crushed, I felt far further than wrecked, but couldn’t even open my mouth or really raise my eyes. There was nothing to say anyway for me.. I still feel I have nothing to say.. words cannot even come close to the power of this day. I remain a bit wrecked by this… I’m embarrassed that I don’t know HOW I should feel. I thought it would be best that I didn’t find out this girls name, I couldn’t understand when she was saying it, and I thought, don’t ask. I don’t know why I thought that would make it easier. Nothing will make it easier when you look into the eyes of a child you feel like you KNOW somehow. Father Rob made a statement that I NEEDED to hear and I will never forget it. “Sometimes you need to get to the end of your rope to find out where you end, and God begins.” This brings me to the end of my rope. God, what do we do from here???
Needless to say, I continued to have quite a time coming to terms with what I felt like I could not leave behind. Ryan listened to m y thoughts from the get- go. He seemed to hear me and understand that I really had this love and feeling of connection. At first, I don't know how serious he thought I was. The first month I got home, I didn't feel well, I wasn't sleeping well. My mind was full of these images of all things Haiti. I would go out and bike and have to stop on teh side of the road: I had no focus on the road, i would pedal and pedal and find myself 30 minutes hyperventilating from my racing thoughts of, How can I let this go? How can I turn my back. This would be huge, but so so right.
Ryan and I had many converstaions about the meaning of all of this. The effect on Phoebe and Forrest to have another sibling, particularly when Phoebe will have to share a room. The financial impact. Whether or not we even have a strong enough relationship to support this. We talked also about how right it just felt.
After
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