Thursday, October 27, 2011

how are things? ummm....

So I really never wanted to do a blog, because I didn't want it to end up a vent-festival.
Well, welcome to my vent-festival today.

I'm so sad, i'm so angry, I'm so furious, I'm so just disheartened and lonely, feeling like the world doesn't care and that the world is so unfair.
Over a year now, Ryan and I sat in our car in a parking lot, watching hte sunset go down on a basically 1-2x/year date night, and decided to adopt Verlande.  We aren't much further.

People ask me how things are going and I have no freaking idea.
We tried to get information from our agency/ our person in charge, who replied back to us with the beginning of our letter reprimanding us "Dear Adams Family"... freaking Adams family- no, call us by the names that you speak to us with: Sharon and Ryan!  It went on saying that she couldn't repeatedly ask the status of our case, to which I said, that is fine, we are not asking you to repeatedly ask- we have STILL NOT ONCE HEARD- past knowing that it flew into Haiti...

So how is it going?  We haven't been told.  So much for being the customer... this is afterall a BUSINESS for them right?  Clearly it must be a business becuase guess what, it is doing NOTHING for Verlande.  It is doing NOTHING.  and I can tell you with confidence from the bottom of my TOES that there is no pedophile out there, no bad person who has the patience or money to go to these lengths to adopt a child from Haiti to harm them.  Seriously.  So where does this leave Verlande?  Where does it leave her after who knows how many years comign when she is how old?  Is that even good for her anymore, we do not know this! 

Sorry.  Right now I've had it.  I've nearly fallen over when I vented and was told that it was a "bummer"!!!
BUMMER?  a bummer is getting stopped at a red light when you're in a hurry... it's dropping an apple out of your grocery bag.. a bummer is your pant leg dripping in the puddle hwen you walk.. It is NOT wasting 2-3-4 years of a child's life.

I've had it learning patience.  Seriously... patience my butt.  If everyone were so zen and patient, would things get done?  no, i've tried for a year and nothing.  our daughter sits there, probably wondering where the HELL we are- those people who said they'd be back.

Things move faster in tryuing to adopt "special needs" children... Special needs?  Well, this child hyas some special needs, she has spent the past 5 years of her life as an orphan. Good grief, if that is not special needs then I dont' even want to know what they are.

I regret sounding unthankful.  I am.  I am thankful that we have had this chance, that we met Verlande, but I am mad.  I am.  I don't know where to go.  I keep getting further and further into this hole. Literally feeling like I wonder if we'll be ever able to get out- now we have more people involved who have donated money to us, and if this doesn't happen, I don't know how I can live with myself for so many reasons.  I have Phoebe and Forrest to be strong for if that happens that we cannot adopt Verlande, but when will we know.. will they ever even tell us?  Or is that rude of us to ask.

I feel so disheartened that this is the way things are.  I just feel sad for the world, maybe that sounds silly. But I feel like I'm losing faith in the goodness of people.  Why are we working with people with no heart?  If they had a heart, wouldn't we at least receive a one line confirmation that our case was being "worked on", instead of a narrative on how we are asking someone to go to the ends of the earth for us.  I want to believe in the goodness of people, that there are people out there being Verlande's hero- getting her home to us.  I thoguht that was the direction we are in.  She is somewhere in Haiti today, at this time of the day, hopefully getting a ride home from school.  Please let the driver be on time for her today, by the way... we have reports that she is having to wait forever for her rides and this worries me for her safety.  I don't know where she is, or what she may be thinking. 

I've temporarily lost my strength.  I know it'll be back, but sometimes it all seems too much, I feel too dug under, too futile, like I've made choice after choice after choice that has gotten us further and further to nowhere.  Choice after choice that maybe we should have seen something.  I don't know right from left, up from down, progress from no progress.  I have no idea where we are.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

ALL IS IN HAITI.

So our newest development is that all is in Haiti.
(so yes, we've been there before).  Our dossier (once again)(sorry that is the last time I will fixate on the fact that we've been there before) is all IN HAITI- with BRESMA (the orphanage that we have to go through.. although Verlande is not being housed at Bresma and remains at Eliette's house).
So again, all of our information, latest doctor notes on our health, our newest PhD in psychology letter stating that we are mentally competent, yes... our VETERINARIAN letter saying our dogs are furry and gentle.. are in Haiti ready to go.
What we do not have status on right now is VERLANDE's PARENTS MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE.
We are waiting for this still, the last we heard.  The good news is that it is with the people that will be getting it/ working on getting it/ whose job it is to get it.
The frustrating part of it for us at this point is that we don't hear much.  We have been told that "culturally, we are not supposed to ask Haitians too much.  It is offensive to them to be checking in as if we do not trust their work.  they get the job done."  That is frustrating (BEYOND BELIEF) to  me.... because in MY CULTURE, I want RESULTS:)
seriously.
and we're paying for results....
AND... we have the childhood of a little girl on the line here.... Verlande is 7.  We pray we get her before August 24 next year when she turns 8.  This is truly my goal.  100%.  I am really looking at that day.  This is the first I am admitting it.  I want her here when she turns 8.  I do. 
I also want to know desperately where this stands:  are they in touch with the father about the marriage certificate, who is taking action.  So we will be working on this aspect, and again inquiring as to the extent that we can regularly receive updates.. at least to when she is in IBESR (Haiti Social Services-- we are aware that at that point there won't be much info,, BUT... right now, we want updates!)

So I continue to try to balance my frustration and irritation at what seems like slow movement.... with my newfound work on learning my first babysteps of patience and grace...

On the most awesome side of things, VERLANDE IS DOING SO WELL.  The last month has been the happiest we've seen her, and YESTERDAY she started SCHOOL in Haiti.  An English/Haitian school.  She had been so excited to go, and it was a much needed move for her to be able to get out of the house where she is and to SEE KIDS HER AGE.  She has learned alot on her own, she'll learn when she gets here, but she needs to be with PEOPLE and living a bit more.  We are so hopeful that she is happy going to school.
Mostly, I pray every time I can for her safety in getting to school.  It is all I can do to pray that she gets there safely- in every way the word can be used.... anything can happen there, so I am just trusting.  She will be driven there, and we are waiting still to know the details- we are paying for her to have safe transportation, not just on a tap-tap.... and so I'm sure it will be great.  I wish I could see her in her school uniform. 
She has been loving learning.  Everytime we talk with her she is ready with new words, songs, dances, smiles.  When skype is beign set up, Eliette will say, "wait one second" and we hear an echo, "please wait one second" and this cute beautiful girl smiling at us from a world away...... she echos everything that Eliette says, it is hilarious.  She is happy, and that is what I hang onto.  It is good.  it is so VERY VERY GOOD.  We are hanging in there, she is hanging in there..... we cannot wait until she comes home!
Phoebe and Forrest have been happy to skype with her also, and try to say something to her that she might be able to answer.  I pray with everything that the right things happen for her adoption, we love her so much.