The question was, “Who has seen a miracle?” Without hesitation, I nodded my head, and
promptly dissolved into tears… and then promptly into some version of an ugly
cry… like my mouth looked weird ugly cry.. (and was rescued promptly by my good
friend, Elizabeth Huang, thank you
Elizabeth!)
My initial thoughts were on the beautiful sight two years
ago, of my daughter in the rubble of a so called orphanage (unlicensed heap of
rocks enclosed by walls). That
God brought me to Verlande is my miracle.
Later in the day, I cringed at the thought of looking like a
baby to these strangers at my table as I got to the point of not being able to
talk/ and explain what my miracle was.. I realized.. it was miracle upon
miracle…. Sure, there have been ups and downs, but it has been nothing short of
miraculous… and this.. to a person somewhat
reluctant to see miracles.
Here are some of the miracles I have seen/felt/heard:
*After I met Verlande, I knew that I had felt something very
strange, but also knew I had to kind of keep my emotions “in check” to be able
to GET THROUGH the rest of my mission trip!
I left as those solid iron doors slid closed to the orphanage, knowing
that my heart was reeling, but also with some sort of weird thought and peace
(as I cried silently on the tap tap ride back) that “if God wanted me to be
back with this child, I will.” HUH?
Sorry, but that is so unlike me…. (wow, actually, did I really stop to
listen.. slightly amazing)…. Later there
was a girl who worked for our mission group that explained that she asked God
to tell her/give her a sign of what he wanted her to do for her life.. long
story short: She felt that she was spoken to.. Ok, a bit hokey sounding to me..
at the time… until 2 weeks later, coming
back to my nice soft carpets, walls of my house, yard of grass and flowers, I
asked God…. “Show me.” Who knows.. maybe
it was almost close to a “dare”… like, yea yea yea.. I’m not going to get any
sort of signs.. who am I… God has real important things he is busy with, rather
than sending me little whispers of
hints..
And he did.
*Within 1 week, I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen in
over 2 years after their family went
through a Russian adoption. I was so
happy to see the friend, and the smile on his son’s face, spoke to me. I don’t believe it was just coincidence that
I ran into this family.
*I tried to proceed through
my life as I knew it… tried to run, bike, etc… and I simply could
not. I vividly remember stopping and
getting off of my bike on the side of Glade Dr., hyperventilating, gasping for
air as my chest was constricted. I could
not leave this child. How could I? Panic.
*The next morning, I was introduced at a playground to an
ESL teacher (English as 2nd Language).. who yes, I asked how it
would be for a transition of an older child…
A few more
examples I could write here, but yes, I heard.
I heard what was being said to me.
GO.
Take care of my child.
*Ryan and I had no idea how to start, we contacted some
people who miraculously got us in touch with someone who had adopted from
Haiti/ had her child come home on humanitarian parole after the
earthquake. Through this connection, I
was put in touch with our initial lawyer.
While this didn’t work out, while we spent tons and tons of money ferrying
people around, trying to find the
orphanage that Verlande was at, trying to find the parents to see if they were
wanting Verlande to be adopted, while our heart was broken so many times…… we
actually…. frankly… needed all of that it seems. Verlande’s case was very different and
difficult- she was not in a licensed crèche that does adoptions, some
situations with her biological parents made it hard to proceed, and we
basically needed to have her moved into another place of care (orphanage or
home)… and so while we had great heartache many times because of proceeding the
way we did… looking back….. it is almost scary because it needed to happen this
way. She would have been too old to go
to the orphanage that our agency (now) works in, and we were led to a woman who
would open her home to Verlande living there.
It wasn’t all good….
But it was all so necessary. It was truly a miracle.
*Verlande’s mom died
in January of 2011. The long story
short: she had “abandoned” Verlande at
age 2, she and Verlande’s dad were already separated and she had a new husband
and had new children we believe. She
would not sign relinquishment papers, even though she hadn’t seen Verlande
since age 2 (4 years). Her pastor was
the director of Verlande’s orphanage and had been trying to communicate with
her, and the only response was that she “wants nothing to do with the future of
Verlande.” She died of cholera in January
2011. We never received the
relinquishment papers from her, but we were able to use her death certificate
to proceed with the adoption. Of course
we did not wish for her to die, we were not happy about this, Ryan’s birth mom
died when he was 5 and so that hits close to home. However, it allowed us to continue. Continuing was a miracle.
*We were able to continue, bring Verlande out of the
orphanage in March 2011. We were working
with an independent lawyer and there was NO progress through July 2011. I knew in my heart that we were not being
told the truths, that no one was really working for us. At the same time, the laws in Haiti began to
change and independent adoptions were not going to be allowed to continue. We needed to find an agency. Was this even possible in our situation,, since
Verlande wasn’t placed in an orphanage that was associated with an agency (a crèche). We found All Blessings, International and
they were willing to take us on and work on our adoption. That was the great news. The horrible news was we had now spent
already a large sum of money on getting this far, and it was mostly all
useless, and we had to financially begin near ground zero. After horrible nights and days of looking at
our finances, dreaming of ways to win the lottery, sell everything we could while
still managing to stay in our home/ raise our two kids, we knew we just were
not at the place that we could do this.
We decided to reach out and begin fundraising. It was not a choice to leave Verlande. The miracle is that it happened. People gave.
People gave a little, people gave much, people prayed, people worked
with us on a garage sale, kids did lemonade stands. Our little community of friends, family,
acquaintances came together. THIS. This is what it is about. THIS is God’s work. THIS… is the ESSENCE. THIS WAS LOVE. TEARS.
* And to continue, the miracles have rolled in… Yes, they
were in the middle of frustrations, fatigue, fear. But I looked and I DID see them. In June, when I was hoping that we would have
our dispensation signed and we didn’t, I finished my most important race of the
past few years, and the girl that looked like Verlande in the parking lot of
the beach, walked to me through the sand and held out her hands to me, a
stranger. I do know that that was not
a coincidence. I was filled with hope.
When I was losing hope, when I was weary with pain and worry
for our daughter, I asked again for a sign.
I wanted a sign that we were even DOING the right thing! Why was this taking so long? What lesson was I supposed to be
learning? Patience can only be worked on
for so long. What? What was I missing? What was going to happen to our girl? I asked.. I needed to be renewed, I needed
strength to continue the daily struggle of having my kid stuck somewhere
without me. I walked outside when I
could not breathe anymore and just happened to look up. I saw the
rainbow in the shape of a smile. A
rainbow. Smiling at me.
Do not lose hope.
When I dug deep and continued, step by step, literally sitting by the phone, losing
my balance day by day, I cried out to
Ryan. I have to give up. I cannot live like this any longer. It is not fair, it is crushing my spirit, my
heart, I am mad. I give up. I cannot give up. Oh gosh.
I’m not going to give up but I cannot invest my heart any longer. It is now ALL YOURS GOD. Put me on the prayer list at church. I am on my KNEES. I handed it over. And my phone rang. A miracle.
And ….so of course I cried.
Of course I have seen miracles. I
believe fully. I don’t know about Satan
and I don’t know about so much. I have
seen miracles though. And later that day, as we skyped with
Verlande, I got goofy with her and she loves that. She smiles and laughs the biggest laughs
ever. And the sound of her laughing is a
miracle, it is music. And to hear her
little Haitian voice squealing, “Mommyyyyyyyyy, You are so silly,” I knew….
THIS IS A MIRACLE. YES. THIS.
And Monday, we got the next call! We are out of Parquet Court!
We are the official parents of
VERLANDE DUFFLEURANT ADAMS!
hopefully January will be the month she comes home:)
This is so beautiful!!!!
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