Stories over skype

We were lucky this past weekend to skype with Verlande.  She was happy (unlike last time when she wouldn't speak for 20  minutes- story was that she had gotten bad grades and had not done her homework).  It was so wonderful right away to see her smile and hear her laughing- her voice nearly sings- makes my heart sing to hear it!  i feel such hope when we are able to see her happy (and see her in general).

I had told her to try to remember over the week the funniest thing that happened, something that made her laugh.  She told me that she had a story for us and that she wanted "mommy to laugh alot"!!!  I told her I coudl definitely do that!  So, she started making up a story about animals that were at a football (soccer) game.  There was a lion roaring, a giraffe, a panda, all sorts of animals and they were all friends.  Some of the animals she said wanted to play football, but the whole "story" part was that there were some of the animal friends who didn't want to, because they were too hungry.  When she told us that they were too hungry, she put her hand on like her lower chest area and kind of winced with her face.... as if she knew... and sadly, it reminded me.. that she does.  She knows hunger.  And that kind of killed me... and that was her story.  They coudln't play football becuase some of the friends were too hungry.  I was of course happy that she had used her imagination and came up with a story for us, but also it has grabbed my thoughts for the past few days, making me just ache to bring her home sooner.

We have been waiting now for 2 weeks to hear that we are through the "legalization" steps and INTO MOI (ministry of interior).... it could take maybe 2 more weeks, but of course I am waiting for that phone call TODAY!
and kind of (alot) feel my patience dissipating.  But at the same time, I do have complete trust that we are being taken care of FOR SURE.. I KNOW IT.  I FEEL IT.. and that makes me happy.  It is as it should be,   and i feel positive and full of faith.

HAVE YOU? Have you seen a miracle?

Last Sunday

The question was, “Who has seen a miracle?”  Without hesitation, I nodded my head, and promptly dissolved into tears… and then promptly into some version of an ugly cry… like my mouth looked weird ugly cry.. (and was rescued promptly by my good friend, Elizabeth  Huang, thank you Elizabeth!)

My initial thoughts were on the beautiful sight two years ago, of my daughter in the rubble of a so called orphanage (unlicensed heap of rocks enclosed by walls).  That God brought me to Verlande is my miracle.

Later in the day, I cringed at the thought of looking like a baby to these strangers at my table as I got to the point of not being able to talk/ and explain what my miracle was.. I realized.. it was miracle upon miracle…. Sure, there have been ups and downs, but it has been nothing short of miraculous… and this.. to a person somewhat  reluctant to see miracles.

Here are some of the miracles I have seen/felt/heard:

*After I met Verlande, I knew that I had felt something very strange, but also knew I had to kind of keep my emotions “in check” to be able to GET THROUGH the rest of my mission trip!  I left as those solid iron doors slid closed to the orphanage, knowing that my heart was reeling, but also with some sort of weird thought and peace (as I cried silently on the tap tap ride back) that “if God wanted me to be back with this child, I will.” HUH?  Sorry, but that is so unlike me…. (wow, actually, did I really stop to listen.. slightly amazing)….  Later there was a girl who worked for our mission group that explained that she asked God to tell her/give her a sign of what he wanted her to do for her life.. long story short: She felt that she was spoken to.. Ok, a bit hokey sounding to me.. at the time…  until 2 weeks later, coming back to my nice soft carpets, walls of my house, yard of grass and flowers, I asked God…. “Show me.”  Who knows.. maybe it was almost close to a “dare”… like, yea yea yea.. I’m not going to get any sort of signs.. who am I… God has real important things he is busy with, rather than sending me little whispers  of hints..

And he did.

*Within 1 week, I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen in over 2 years after  their family went through a Russian adoption.  I was so happy to see the friend, and the smile on his son’s face, spoke to me.  I don’t believe it was just coincidence that I ran into this family.

*I tried to proceed through  my life as I knew it… tried to run, bike, etc… and I simply could not.  I vividly remember stopping and getting off of my bike on the side of Glade Dr., hyperventilating, gasping for air as my chest was constricted.  I could not leave this child.  How could I?  Panic.

*The next morning, I was introduced at a playground to an ESL teacher (English as 2^nd Language).. who yes, I asked how it would be for a transition of an older child…

A few more examples I could write here, but yes, I heard.  I heard what was being said to me.

 GO.  Take care of my child. 

*Ryan and I had no idea how to start, we contacted some people who miraculously got us in touch with someone who had adopted from Haiti/ had her child come home on humanitarian parole after the earthquake.  Through this connection, I was put in touch with our initial lawyer.  While this didn’t work out, while we spent tons and tons of money ferrying people around, trying to find  the orphanage that Verlande was at, trying to find the parents to see if they were wanting Verlande to be adopted, while our heart was broken so many times…… we actually…. frankly… needed all of that it seems.  Verlande’s case was very different and difficult- she was not in a licensed crèche that does adoptions, some situations with her biological parents made it hard to proceed, and we basically needed to have her moved into another place of care (orphanage or home)… and so while we had great heartache many times because of proceeding the way we did… looking back….. it is almost scary because it needed to happen this way.   She would have been too old to go to the orphanage that our agency (now) works in, and we were led to a woman who would open her home to Verlande living there.  It wasn’t all good…. 

But it was all so necessary.  It was truly a miracle.

*Verlande’s  mom died in January of 2011.  The long story short:  she had “abandoned” Verlande at age 2, she and Verlande’s dad were already separated and she had a new husband and had new children we believe.  She would not sign relinquishment papers, even though she hadn’t seen Verlande since age 2 (4 years).  Her pastor was the director of Verlande’s orphanage and had been trying to communicate with her, and the only response was that she “wants nothing to do with the future of Verlande.”  She died of cholera in January 2011.  We never received the relinquishment papers from her, but we were able to use her death certificate to proceed with the adoption.  Of course we did not wish for her to die, we were not happy about this, Ryan’s birth mom died when he was 5 and so that hits close to home.  However, it allowed us to continue.  Continuing was a miracle.

*We were able to continue, bring Verlande out of the orphanage in March 2011.  We were working with an independent lawyer and there was NO progress through July 2011.  I knew in my heart that we were not being told the truths, that no one was really working for us.  At the same time, the laws in Haiti began to change and independent adoptions were not going to be allowed to continue.  We needed to find an agency.  Was this even possible in our situation,, since Verlande wasn’t placed in an orphanage that was associated with an agency (a crèche).  We found All Blessings, International and they were willing to take us on and work on our adoption.  That was the great news.  The horrible news was we had now spent already a large sum of money on getting this far, and it was mostly all useless, and we had to financially begin near ground zero.  After horrible nights and days of looking at our finances, dreaming of ways to win the lottery, sell everything we could while still managing to stay in our home/ raise our two kids, we knew we just were not at the place that we could do this.  We decided to reach out and begin fundraising.  It was not a choice to leave Verlande.  The miracle is that it happened.  People gave.  People gave a little, people gave much, people prayed, people worked with us on a garage sale, kids did lemonade stands.  Our little community of friends, family, acquaintances came together.  THIS.  This is what it is about.  THIS is God’s work.  THIS… is the ESSENCE.  THIS WAS LOVE.  TEARS.

* And to continue, the miracles have rolled in… Yes, they were in the middle of frustrations, fatigue, fear.  But I looked and I DID see them.  In June, when I was hoping that we would have our dispensation signed and we didn’t, I finished my most important race of the past few years, and the girl that looked like Verlande in the parking lot of the beach, walked to me through the sand and held out her hands to me, a stranger.     I do know that that was not a coincidence.  I was filled with hope.

When I was losing hope, when I was weary with pain and worry for our daughter, I asked again for a sign.  I wanted a sign that we were even DOING the right thing!  Why was this taking so long?  What lesson was I supposed to be learning?  Patience can only be worked on for so long.    What?  What was I missing?  What was going to happen to our girl?  I asked.. I needed to be renewed, I needed strength to continue the daily struggle of having my kid stuck somewhere without me.  I walked outside when I could not breathe anymore and just happened to look up.  I saw  the rainbow in the shape of a smile.  A rainbow.  Smiling at me.  

Do not lose hope.

When I dug deep and continued, step by  step, literally sitting by the phone, losing my  balance day by day, I cried out to Ryan.  I have to give up.  I cannot live like this any longer.  It is not fair, it is crushing my spirit, my heart, I am mad.  I give up.  I cannot give up.  Oh gosh.  I’m not going to give up but I cannot invest my heart any longer.  It is now ALL YOURS GOD.  Put me on the prayer list at church.  I am on my KNEES.   I handed it over.  And my phone rang.  A miracle.

And ….so of course I cried.  Of course I have seen miracles.  I believe fully.  I don’t know about Satan and I don’t know about so much.  I have seen  miracles though.  And later that day, as we skyped with Verlande, I got goofy with her and she loves that.  She smiles and laughs the biggest laughs ever.  And the sound of her laughing is a miracle, it is music.  And to hear her little Haitian voice squealing, “Mommyyyyyyyyy, You are so silly,” I knew…. THIS IS A MIRACLE.  YES.  THIS.

And Monday, we got the next call!  We are out of Parquet Court!  

We are the official parents of 

VERLANDE DUFFLEURANT ADAMS!  

hopefully January will be the month she comes home:)

Here is our miracle, please play:)

http://animoto.com/play/6D86Dd1Qao0jQfQuaNbt1Qhttp://animoto.com/play/6D86Dd1Qao0jQfQuaNbt1Q

I am totally "nesting"....

And yes...
I am totally nesting.

I figure it maybe goes like this... I have been "pregnant" with Verlande for over 24 months now.... hopefully soon to give "birth" to this 8 year old joining our family..... and so since there is typically a period of nesting before a typical birth.. I am allowed to be nesting a few months before she comes home, right??!!  And so it goes.... I am having some wierd instinctual nesting... or maybe just see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel ok in buying a few things for the first time in.... about 2 years!!

And so we have a bunk bed now!  We are so excited.. yes, all of us... to see this bunk bed in Phoebe's room!  We had so many people trying to help us find one on craigs list and we did!  It was great, good price, and Ryan picked it up a week ago!  Phoebe and Forrest had a "sleepover" in the bunk last weekend... and it has been a great week going up to re-kiss Phoebe on the top bunk, climbing the ladder to see her and all of her bears up there... and to look down and see the empty bed... that I can't wait for Verlande to be snoozing in!

And I bought a pillow and sheets and a mattress cover.  And I bought a few clothes for Verlande.. finally knowing that I won't be MAILING them to her.  These clothes will be staying in our HOME! and she will put them on her BODY!

And so the nesting goes further... we went to Harris Teeter grocery shopping as a family.. ok.. we dont' even go to Harris Teeter typically.. too expensive.  But they had some good sales... and then i went CRAZY it seemed.  I bought a baguette.  mushrooms.  greek yogurt.  Ok people, so for me.. this is when I KNOW....I am nesting.... a baguette?  seriously I think that is for people who have extra dollars in their wallet.  for such a luxury item for a dinner or wine and cheese.. seriously,  may be only $2 but if you buy a baguette... you are DOING OK!!  how funny that I have this excitement streaming through my body because of a baguette!

But that is what it has been for these past years... and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  and I bought a baguette:)

OUR LAST "VISIT"!!! September, 2012 in Haiti

This will be our last “visit”!!!

Next time we get to bring Verlande home!

First a warning.. this is long.. and it is perfectly fine to not read.. it is a write up of our whole trip, things that happened, our worries, experiences, joys, fears, laughter, pictures.. It is because i want to write in one place everything that comes to my mind (and clearly that is how I write!)... yep, it is long..

This trip started off on Saturday and we landed in PaP airport at NOON!  We got luggage easily, then walked down the scary.. to me… corridor outside that is fenced in and leads to us being dumped out among many Haitians who would love to “help us”…. And make some money..

We couldn’t find Franck, our driver… We just kept saying “non mesi” to the offers of help/transportation.. but I really did not like being in a sea of maybe 100 very close people, with our suitcase, bags, and I just did not feel safe.  Ryan was pretending I think to call someone on the phone…. We don’t have Franck’s number, nor could Franck really talk to us if we did since he doesn’t speak English… we could try some Creole, BUT… as crazy as it sounds.. this is just what we have to expect in Haiti- that somehow our driver will just “be there”!!!   and he wasn’t… I wanted to go back into the fenced in segment, but Ryan didn’t yet.. and finally some guy came up to us saying he had the phone from Franck.. so Franck was on the other end, and this guy said he was going to bring us to Franck… we know nothing better so we are off to follow.  (on top of 100 degrees outside, I was in quite a sweat).. We started following through this parking lot… which of course is not a parking lot at all, but just an area of cars parked in various directions, very closely, etc.. basically all sorts of messed up cars, and maybe 10 people slightly following us asking us repeatedly if we have our passports.  So we said yes.  HOWEVER, why should they care if we have passports, we are not in the airport, so I was even MORE scared now.. I was.. I was actually terrified, people on all sides of us, we are following a stranger through now like a junkyard, makes us sound kind of stupid right?  Well, we turn the corner and see Franck’s van, WITH Verlande in it! Wooo hoooo!! I just wanted IN to hug Verlande, as well as I couldn’t be happier to get out of the open junkyard…  We hugged Verlande in the car, she sat on my lap and hugged hugged, she loves hugging and cuddling… she hugged Ryan, she was so happy, we were so happy… What a long wait it has been…..It was great.

We went back right away to Bresma Guest house- we stayed in the same room we have been in each time now… The place is so nice, coffee is always on… and it is just heavenly coffee… I would love to someday have a coffee plantation in Haiti.. yum…. Plus would love to work in the fields.. BUT… that is another dream..:)

We played with Verlande, showed her a few things we brought (it is always hard packing the suitcase because I bring new clothes for her, new books, new shampoo, etc, new toys… but I don’t want to give them all at once, so I try to keep them separated in bags like “day 1 toys,” etc… but it is hard because I know she wants to look through our suitcase,, and I feel bad being secretive about it.  Anyway.  She loved this ball we brought and I think her and Ryan that day played ball for nearly 2 hours!  She loved it, and they counted each time they caught it and got up to over 100…. We read her some new books… We had dinner together..  played more, she took a shower, which she is seriously the cleanest girl maybe in the world.. that girl still loves loves loves her shower/bath time…. It is a shower that she takes, but she also loves to sit down and splash right under the water.  She is very good about only having water on when she is rinsing… always aware that water is not easy to come by.

That night was probably one of our first eye openings of some of the inner turmoil that Verlande has tucked inside her.  She wanted to sleep in our bed.  She had her own bed in the room and we didn’t want to start off a precedent of her sleeping in our bed, so we said no, but that we would read as long to her as she wanted, and then we would be on our bed right next to her.  So this sent her into a tizzy… She was angry, mad, sad, screaming, crying…  she has done this before with us, but this definitely was maybe one of the  harder times, she went on and on and there was nothing we could do it seemed to help. She loves Ryan holding her, and I think Ryan ended up holding her and walking her to sleep outside   on the balcony (there were no other families there this first night)…  We knew we didn’t want to always hold her until she slept, since then she wouldn’t ever learn to fall asleep on her own….. but we had to calm her down…  Once she slept, she was like all over the place in her bed, hitting thewalls, I  couldn’t believe she could stay asleep being this restless….  In the middle of the night,, she did wake up, and of course was very upset, she wouldn’t speak to us what really was making her cry, my guess was that she was alone in her bed?  (although she sleeps alone at Eliette’s house and Eliette has said she doesn’t cry at night anymore there)… but she wouldn’t speak to us… her crying in the middle of the night alternated between this high pitched whimper, and after a few minutes of that, (I was half sleeping), I’d realized that she wasn’t crying, she had started singing… then it turned to cry, and again sing… I still do not even know if she was awake or not.. but I knew this wasn’t really very good news…

The next day, 3 other families came with their younger children that they are adopting.  They were all at the same point as we were in the process, (actually two were, and one family had just gotten referral)…I met  in real my friend Johnelle, who I have become friends with on facebook, and who has been a TREMENDOUS source of inspiration, love, friendship, persistece… I have just always felt comfortable being able to msg Johnelle, and have prayed for her adoption, and I know she has prayed for me many times… It was wonderful to meet her and her husband and her precious little boy….ohhh these kids so need to come home!

It ws great to see the kids playing together, to see Verlande trying to help at times the younger kids, or trying to talk to them… She played ball with some of them, and they ended up playing “chase” around the little area in front of the guest house that was walled in.. Plus, it was nice for her to have some time just with KIDS…. I know she doesn’t get enough time with kids… She was so happy.

Earlier that day, we had planned to take her swimming if logistics worked out and we could get a driver to take us to a place that had been recommended to us for a local hotel w/pool…  She was excited to go and also excited about her new watermelon swimsuit that I had bought for her.  Of course she has never had a swim suit on before, or been to a swimming pool, and didn’t quite understand.  She kept going to get her shampoo and bar of soap and said, “ I am going to take a bath”.. and we kept saying, no no no, you’ll swim and play in the water and splash around.  She continued to think it was a big bath we were bringing her to.  We went to a crazy awesome resort called La Karibe,  I couldn’t believe it was in the middle of PaP… it was crazy beautiful, nice, the lobby was like heaven.  We walked back to the pool after we registered, and Verlande stopped and looked at us with her hands palm up and a questioning look and said, “All these people here to take a bath?”  We laughed so much!  We each had one of her hands getting into the pool going down the steps, and ALL EYES were on her.. every step she took into the water emitted squeals of pure joy, delight, whatever sensation it must have felt like on her body after not ever being in a pool.. she just was over the moon.  I will never forget this.  She loved to splash, we were holding her, and she was literally just creating a big shower of humongous splashes, I don’t quite even know how she was doing it because when I was holding her I had to close my eyes, it was like I was underwater.  I was happy we were there because I had read that it is good for bonding to hold the child in the water, and to pass from parent to parent.. and that is just naturally what we did.  She loved it.  She loved watching me swim, and tried to do the same with us holding her.   Later, we had swimmies to put on her arms and she was fearless, just started swimming a bit, but staying close to us, it was great.  She met a little girl, aged 3 at the pool, and it was so happy to see Verlande get a chance to interact with another child.   She went up to the girl and said, “Hello, my name is Verlande, and you?”  so funny, because she answers our questions on skype with,  “I’m fine and you”… just so funny to hear from a kid… The girls became little buddies at the pool, and it was fun…  

 When we went to leave, I got an indication of what was a little bit to come.. I took Verlande to the locker room, and ryan was in the men’s locker room changing before our driver came.  1 minute into being in there, I could sense her slight panic, “Where’s Daddy”… I told her he was in the men’s, he couldn’t come in with girls, etc… and she wanted to know if “I was sure.”  I said yes, he is meeting us out at the pool, although she kept asking where Daddy was.  We finished and quickly went to the pool to settle her and … of course ryan was not there (we have some issues with finding each other).. So I calmly said that he must be back in the locker room still, and we went back and I calmly yelled in for Ryan.. no answer… OK now she is grabbing on me and very upset… And I am totally realizing, “NO we cannot do this anymore, we have to always be able to find each other”!  We go back to pool and don’t see him, but I said, he must be up here looking at some of the trees, etc.. we found him of ocurse, but by this time, she was in tears.  And it took probably an hour after that for her to become settled again…. So it kind of opened my eyes a bit…

My eyes were opened a bit further that night.. She DEFINITELY  was adamant and MAD this night at sleeping by herself and not in our bed… and this gave way to another night of terrible crying and screaming.  We had tried to anticipate this and we did an extended and relaxed bedtime, we read to her for probably an hour, thinking maybe she would just drift off into dreamland….. ha ha…… this was not the case, and long story short, there were now babies in the guest house, I was worried about waking them, so I took her out of the room (yes, she was kicking and fighting so I felt horrible) but also thought maybe the fresh air would help her be calm/ like a change of environment…  So we went out in the parking area/ it is walled in so I knew we were ok even though it was dark, and she was still screaming and I was trying to settle her, I was down low on the ground with her/her height and I knew someone walked up to us and it looked like a pole in the dark that was on the ground.. nope.  Apparently there are security guards with guns at night.. fantastic… but I also did not want this guy thinking I was DOING something  mean to Verlande to make her cry like that!!!  The crying didn’t really stop at first, he started talking to her in creole, I understood “pa kriye” (don’t cry), and a few other things… long story, eventually we got it under control, but it was not easy, not short, and I was beginning (as was Ryan) to really worry about what we were in for……What had we done…. Would Verlande be ok, could we even help her, etc.

It was something Ryan said to me later that night that helped remind me of what I needed to be pulling back up from my brain.  After she was sleeping, he said, “it is as if she reverts back to being 2”… and it made me think of the books that said that often the children will stop social development at the age of their trauma. Well, what happened when Verlande was 2?  Her mom left her.  This also goes in line with the realization that when she is upset, whe will SHUT down completely and not say a single word.  She will not even say to us “pick me up” or a word  …. Even yes / no, is something hurting, etc – this makes sense since she had not many words at age two/ couldn’t express these feelings.  The good news is that many of Verlande’s behaviors are CLASSIC.  It seems to  me that one of these books could have been written specifically about her.

Monday:  we went to court with Verlande and another family.  We weren’t sure what to expect here and it definitely was intimidating.  You go in this building with two main waiting room areas, just filled to the brim with people.  Then the lawyer who took us goes in to I think try to get us a good spot to go to the judge.. While we are waiting of course everyone is staring at us as we are like fluorescently white and stand out, and have a Haitian child with us.  I have to wonder what the other people are all doing.  What could be all of the legal things that those people need to be in the building to wait for a judge for?  I have no idea… but it wasn’t the AC.. (there was none!)  We went in to talk to the judge.  It looked like he was getting up to leave after the last people left and our lawyer, a woman, who would also be translating for us, tried to get his attention to go back to take our case.  So she motions to us (ryan, myself and Verlande) to sit in these two chairs in front of his desk.  So this is like a “little house on the prairie” type of schoolhouse room with just a teachers desk and two chairs in front.  So he sits down and directs all of his questions to Ryan. The lawyer interpreted, Ryan answered and she interpreted back.  It was clear that we were in a society that definitely doesn’t look at women as equals.  The questions asked were, “Do you know the name of the child’s father,” “Do you plan to have contact with the orphanage after you adopt the child,” “How will you treat the child”, and so on….. after Ryan answered all the questions, the lawyer said (which was translated to us), “I hope that what you say is true, that you will treat her well, and someday bring her back to Haiti.”  Then, he shook Ryans hand, and he did shake my hand as well. Verlande, luckily, sat well and calm on my lap the entire time.  I have no idea what she thought of this.

Tuesday:  we had a 7:30AM Embassy appointment.  We were ready to leave at 7 as we were told, we left probably more like 7:10ish.  (this is not a problem to be up in Haiti and ready to go at this time.. the roosters are up and squaking at 2am).  Verlande went with us again, as did Margarette, who is the owner of the guest house, orphanage, etc.  I was very glad to have her go with us.  The ride there was CRAZY.  Crazy beautiful, but also crazy scary, meaning that I wasn’t sure that the car would make it up some of the roads that we had to go on!!!  It was definitely “country”ish… huge mountains, totally bumpy,  unkept roads… twisty turny, also saw houses that were like HUMONGOUS.. like “who lives in those” seriously?  Up on these beautiful hills (maybe not easy roads to get to).. but just beautiful land.  This country just has something about it that I love.. it draws you in, it is really gorgeous.. I love it.  I really do sometimes want to just get out and WALK up some of those beautiful hills, just across the land… So we get to the embassy, walk through a few security things… and into the waiting place.  This was maybe 3 different times of an hour wait, we initially had to talk to someone at a counter, then another hour wait, (verlande went to the bathroom here like 4x…. I think it was her first experience with automatic flush toilets because she jumped OUT of her skin!! It was funny)… We had an interview at the desk with an embassy person.  The questions here were:  How did you meet Verlande… did you come to the country with the intention of adoption (HECK NO!!) one question she had was, “have you bonded with the child” but at that time, Verlande was starting to get very frustrated/clingy with Ryan and she would NOT let him put her down, so the worker asking us said, “I guess that is obvious that you have bonded”  so she went on..  easy questions, but of course we were nervous for this.. I mean what if they were looking for a specific answer and we said something WRONG! But it was all ok.  We got the date for Verlande’s dad to go in with verlande because he has to sign off at the US embassy also (even though he has already done so on the Haitian side, the US side needs it also… this date is 10/30 and the lawyer will accompany him. (yikes, please God have him be there… I have actually all trust in her dad that he will be there to do this for her. He has done every single thing for her along the way… he is a good good man.. I do feel this in me that we will have no problems here, and I feel happy to have that level of trust and feel so positive about her birth father.  He loves her completely). 

Our last appointment was Thursday, which ended up being ALL DAY.  We were told that we wouldn’t leave until 10:30-11, so we woke up, ate breakfast, we were playing, jumping rope, exercising, then went up casually to take a (freezing cold) shower, until there was a knock on the door and the lawyer saying, we are going to go early, so we left at 9AM!!!  Good thing I had packed for the airport well over the days before.. I do this kind of gradually because I don’t want Verlande to see it too obvious in front of her, but I also do want her to see it, and we prepare her so that she isn’t blindsighted by us leaving… Anyway, it was quick getting ready and Verlande wanted to wear this ruffly dress that we had brought for her, but it was too like “frilly” looking to me to wear to a court.. I didn’t want us to stand out even more.. maybe it would have been okay, but I told her no, to quick put on the one she had already left unpacked to wear.. and of course she had a terror fit…  so we are getting suitcases, everything we brought for her into her suitcase downstairs, and us OUT with all of our documents, airport stuff ready and available, and verlande would not put her clothes on.. Unfortunately I had  to literally stuff her last minute into the dress because all of the other families were waiting and there she was naked, having a meltdown on the bed.  I didn’t want to do this, but it was what it ws.. (thanks to Phoebe I have some practice at stuffing children into their clothing)… She was literally then trying to rip it off, so I had to really try to keep it doubletied on her  at the straps, and try to keep her hands down.. so yes, now I am literally in a sweat, carrying her down (she is heavy also)… and it was not good.  But it was what it was.  So 3 families , a driver, lawyer stuffed into this truck to drive around Port au Prince for about an hour and a half to get to our location, then, yes:  we sat in a room from 10:30-2:30… men in shirt and ties, babies and kids just having not too much to do.. luckily we brought a game for verlande- she loves the “spot it” game..  so that helped.  But it could only have helped so much, rright!!  For the last 30 min, Verlande lost it.  Ryan was sweating all over, and she was trying to hang on him without telling him what she needed and he said “NO” that she must use words… and she lost it, so I took her down this hall to a corner so we weren’t in the middle of the room of maybe 30 people. Well, I was in for quite the shock.  Verlande is crying, trying to push me away.  So here I am.. this white woman, trying to keep Verlande in this one spot so she will calm down.. Well a Haitian woman walked up, I was not sure at all where this was going… and took a deep breath in.. AND…. REAMED OUT Verlande.  I have no idea what she was saying in Creole.. BUT. SHE. WAS. MAD.  Her finger was pointing and waving at Verlande.. and every once in awhile I would hear “Maman” and she would point to me…. And Verlande just looked bug eyed at her, still crying, but not the same intensity… The woman took a break.. kind of glanced at me.. and I said a soft “mesi” (thank you in creole) to her as it was clear she was trying to take care of me.. man was she my angel that day.. thank you woman wherever you are, whatever you said for not judging me badly as someone of a different color, different nationality… thank you for helping me… She started up a second “round” which was shorter, but no less intense, then swung around and marched away… WHEW.  Immediately out of… I have no idea where these two women even came from…. Came a second gentler woman.. younger, more like maybe 25-30ish?? She stood with us also for maybe 10 minutes, trying to get Verlande to take my hand, which she wouldn’t do… to stop crying.  Again, I have no idea what she was saying, but she was speaking much gentler to Verlande.  It didn’t seem to help, and I knew she couldn’t stay forever.   Somheow, finally Verlande stopped her crying and we went back to the room we were supposed to be waiting in.  After 4 hours, we never saw the judge, BUT the lawyer said that she did “something special” so that it got signed off even though none of the 3 families saw him there.  (Yes, I am choosing to trust this as we haven’t heard differently… and some things I will just have to trust).

To wrap up:

Some of the highlights of PLAYING were:

*endless games of spot it!  She is awesome at all of these games and loves to repeatedly play and play and play!

*she loved going through her books.  She could read entire books by herself, but often wanted them read to her, but it was great to know she can actually read the entire books herself for when we are not there!

*I am so glad I sent her the yoga dvd’s- she has clearly used them TONS as she has them mostly memorized.  I am so glad that yoga may become part of her life as I Think it will sometime possibly be very helpful for her in many ways.

*She loves playing with all sorts of balls.

*she just adores Ryan, and of course Ryan also is just so in love with her.  He is so great with kids, they always seem to gravitate naturally towards him… whereas I have to work really hard at it, but I love it!

*She loved her new clothes that I brought her and he new sandals, shoes, everything.  She was very appreciative.

*She is a picky eater.  She wouldn’t eat eggs, hardly any fruit and vegetables.  Mostly loves carbs: bread with pb, pasta, and rice.  Also chicken and beans…  We need to get some veggies in that girl, but it will be tough.. oh yea, and she likes cakeJ  (I told her that we don’t have cake everyday like they made for us at the guest house, I didn’t want her to think this was  normal for Americans!)

*she loves TV.  This was a problem, however.. but… yes.. she loves TV.  She does not love that we were not letting her watch it except when she was getting her hair done.

*She loved it when we would swing her, each holding her hand.

*she loved singing little songs.

Ohhhhh, I miss her already…