Waiting

You would think over the past 2.5 years, I would have learned to wait better.
nope.. I think I'm still pretty horrid at it, maybe I've improved a little.. but once my impatience grows, I find myself going back to my worries, fears and frustrations.
We have now been in USCIS for 3 weeks and a day.   I want to be out, but the reality is, maybe we are only halfway there (and there is more waiting to be done after this).  (that is pitiful).

You know what is the hardest thing?  I think it is great to have great hopeful exciting news- but it brings expectations, and there is no room in a Haitian adoption for expectations.  I should have no room in my brain for a single ounce of a thought of what SHOULD happen, right?  i mean, imagine if things went as they should. (haha).

We had heard some great situations about people getting I600 approval very quickly in a matter of 10-15 days, and then Visa appointment in 10-15 more days, and i thought, AHA!  They've learned how to do this!  Here we come to the finish line, let me research airplane flights!  Well, no. That should NOT be my expectation- I should either expect the WORST or just simply nothing at all and see what happens and be just grateful for that.  I am finding that hard.  I've always been too much an up and down person.  And here is the perfect example- I get hopeful, I get excited, I saw a miracle, yes yes yes!  and then I must erase that from my brain and more important, my HEART.  My brain was excited, but then in the past few days, my HEART got excited, and a few things today reminded me.  do not be excited yet.  Be calm.  Plod along with no expectations, it will come, just not in YOUR time.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done probably in my life.  But it will be worth it when our family is together, which is why I get excited at the mere prospect of getting to the next step.

I don't even know if I will know what to do in my life if I am not m waiting for the next step of this adoption!  It has been one big wait wait wait.... (x 1,000,000,000,000 more waits) then YES, you are on to the next step.. be happy and content for 9 -11 days, then start to grow anxious for the next step, and repeat.

I am asking anyone that prays to pray for us to have Verlande home in the next 4-6 weeks.... if you don't pray, please just envision it for us.... or just email me... I'll be on my email hitting the refresh/inbox button periodically and scanning through my spam folder to make sure I have not received an email from USCIS..

Thanks for letting me vent about waiting.