Verlande’s family…
I wanted to write down most of what I remember from our
visits with Verlande’s bio family in Haiti.
We feel so lucky to have been able to spend some time with
Verlande’s birth father, and two brothers in Haiti. Her birth father, Vernet, from the beginning
of our adoption process has been positive, eager for Verlande to have a better
life, completely reliable in everything we needed to have done, and I feel so
lucky to have such a positive perspective on him.
From the beginning when we were finding out
if Verlande’s birth mom and dad were wanting her to be adopted, we heard that
he had smiled and raised his arms and said “Praise God” or “Thanks to God” and
was so happy for her. When we went down
in March 2011 to have her custody transferred from the orphanage that he had
placed her in, which was not a certified crèche that adoptions are allowed
from, to the care of Eliette who has taken care of her in her home for almost 2
years now, he was always there when he needed to be. He had all of Verlande’s documents sealed in
this huge ziplock bag inside his backpack, and it was a picture I will never
forget. Here is this man, with NOTHING,
no home, clearly not enough food, no posessions… a dingy, dirty backpack…. But he
had taken great care to keep her documents water tight, in his possession. If he had not had these documents, it is
possible that Verlande would be considered, under Haiti’s laws “unadoptable.” We were so glad he was careful in keeping
these things. When we met him the first
time, it was at the airport when Ryan and I had come in to Haiti in March 2011
when Verlande was taken out of the horrible orphanage she was in. Eliette had surprised us, and gotten Verlande
out early so that Verlande was able to MEET US at the airport! It was incredible! I will never forget her in her bright green
shirt and purple skirt we had sent her, these green bows in her hair (where do
they get thos beautiful ribbons in Haiti, is there a “ribbon store” somewhere),
her braids, and of course her giving me a huge hug, walking back to Eliette
asking, “is this my new Mommy” and then walking back to me to give me another
giant hug. We got into the van and
Vernet and Verlande’s uncle were in the very back. I didn’t know if these were people who just
needed a ride, but after a few minutes it was told to us that this was her
father!!! So we were shocked and (unprepared) and although we didn’t know much
Creole at all at that time, and he doesn’t know any English, we were able to
speak with smiles, eyes, handshakes… And it was okay… I couldn’t believe how
okay it was. Riding in the van to courts
with him that weekend, you could clearly see that he was in a bad place. He would sleep a lot in the van ride. He probably wasn’t used to being in a van,
driving around. We had brought extra
power bars for everyone and he had one.
We went back to have a big lunch at Eliette’s house, and he had a bowl
of the stew that was made. Verlande got
a 2nd bowl and Verlande and her son were saying “no no no” to
Verlande because she was walking it outside, out the door, but Verlande
has a way about her… her mind is set
sometimes, and her mind was set… and she continued right out that door despite
all the commotion of saying no to her carrying this nice bowl of soup….
And Ryan
and I didn’t know what to do exactly… and then we all watched her go out to her
Dad, and give him this 2nd bowl of soup. Which he was clearly thankful for. She knew.
And she had just taken care of her Dad.
There was another time when we needed some additional document from her
dad, and there had been a delay.. and I just didn’t have a good feeling… I
finally, after waiting too many months, realized what my worry was… I realized that I had so much confidence in
her dad—that I bet he really hadn’t KNOWN/BEEN CONTACTED to understand that we
needed this document. So I called our
agency, and said, “I KNOW (emphasis on KNOW) tht if Vernet knew we needed this,
he would have it there TOMORROW”. Can someone
call him, speak in Creole so he HEARS it… he will be there. Sure enough.
It was done within the week. We
have been so lucky to have h is blessing, support, and his amazing love for
Verlande—that he brought her to an orphanage so she could have care better than
what he could provide, so that she could have at least meals, and that he loved
her so much that he gave her to have a better life, and opportunities.
Verlande has two older biological brothers. Their names are Anvilo and Venaldo. (spelling
may be wrong). They are the sweetest
boys, and it was the hardest thing on my heart to meet htem. So here it is….. honestly…. I would take them
home in a second… less than a second… if it were possible. Those boys were just plain ole SWEET. And how they loved their little sis
Verlande. During one of the days that we
had to go to court with Vernet, her brothers came, and we met them for the
first time. They live with Vernet, never
lived in the orphanage, but despite living under a tarp, they came with these
clean white shirts.. .buttoned sky high up to their necks… and jeans that were
so small on t hem that half of their calves showed… sitting in the van, they
were behind us and we would be looking at them and trying to use oru limited
creole, playing hand games with them- all of the usual non- language oriented
communication things. Their eyes. Yes, it was a repetition of when I met
Verlande. They all have the same
eyes. Verlande showed them the doll that
we bought for her, and one of her brothers, I cannot remember and would be
guessing which one if I told you… just loooooved holding this doll, beyond
belief. He was mesmerized by it, and I
don’t think he put the doll down for maybe an hour. He was so quiet, softspoken, serious, very
EXTREMELY intelligent, I think. Her other
brother, also seemed so bright, and was more outgoing, more similar personality
to Verlande. Ohhh, this all just broke
my heart. My heart and mind and
everything inside of me was just racing by the end of the day, thinking, “what
are we doing”—these are her bio. Brothers- we cannot take her away from them… I
was in tears.
We had a conversation with
Eliette about what was right- were we doing the wrong thing maybe, maybe it
would be better for Verlande to stay in Haiti….
And Eliette reminded us… “she
hasn’t been with her brothers in years, she is not living with her dad, she
would go back to the orphanage. If she
stays in Haiti, she has no future.” This
brought me back a bit to reality. She
hadn’t really ever been taken care of by her dad directly, and yes… I found her
in a place that was gravel and cardboard box
beds under tarps.
Her grandmother… The
story gets harder. Ohhhh Verlande’s
grandmother took care of her from when her Mom abandoned her at age 2(we think approx.)
until the earthquake. This little woman
probably barely crossed the 90 lb mark.
So small and malnourished appearing.
She came with Vernet on a different visit to the guest house where we
were staying so that they could see Verlande.
I am glad I had a chance to see her grandmother. She sat there and just
looked down so much. She had no
energy. Verlande brought her her doll to
show her and her grandmother’s eyes just lit up. She held the doll for an hour. Not just holding the doll, but literally
taking care of the doll, petting it,kind of gently rocking it, taking care of
it, just moving her hands over it. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes.. I so
much wanted to say, “Verlande do you want to give your grandmother your doll”
because I knew we could get Verlande another one, BUT (and I am so glad I didn’t
say that now, knowing even more how closely the rules are that you cannot give
ANYTHING to family members for fear of bribery), I didn’t tell Verlande
that. I just didn’t know what to do or
say. Watching her grandmother just Love
on this doll told me that Verlande surely had been loved during the time she
lived with her. What a hard life it is in Haiti. Her grandmother was surely a picture of that.
This past weekend, Verlande met with her dad, brothers and
grandmother to say goodbye. I have no
idea how it went, what it felt like to any of them. Her grandmother brought a picture of herself
we are told, and I am so glad for that, as I do not have any pictures of
her. Verlande will always keep a framed
picture off her dad/brothers/grandmother and will always love and respect and
cherish them. We will do all that we can
so that Verlande someday can see them again.
We know that even though she wasn’t living with this family for the past
6 years, they will always be a part of her life, and she will certainly have
mixed emotions about leaving Haiti and all that she has ever known.
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